


Nothing Will Ever Be the Same

by CarpeLibrum87



Category: New Girl, New Girl (TV 2011)
Genre: Angst, Avoidance, Denial of Feelings, Dumbest boy in school, Emotional Hurt, F/M, Heavy Angst, Jess forgave him too easily, Nick's gotta work for it, Why wont anyone talk to each other
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-03
Updated: 2021-02-05
Packaged: 2021-03-08 02:07:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 21
Words: 33,517
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26797828
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CarpeLibrum87/pseuds/CarpeLibrum87
Summary: Nick comes back early from New Orleans expecting to pick up his friendship with Jess where they left off two months ago.
Relationships: Jessica Day & Nick Miller, Jessica Day/Nick Miller
Comments: 96
Kudos: 127





	1. Prologue

Fifty two days. Fifty two days utterly alone. ‘Alone’ was a feeling no one who lived in the loft could ever experience as having four roommates living together meant there was always _someone_ home. 

......

The first few weeks were the hardest for Jess. In a literal twenty four hours Schmidt and Cece left for their honeymoon, Winston left to _prank_ Schmidt and Cece on their honeymoon, and Nick, emboldened by Jess’s words the night of the wedding, left with Reagan to go to New Orleans for three months.

Jessica Day had never felt so alone in her life.

The only person who would understand what she was feeling is Cece, but even Jess knew better than to interrupt her honeymoon with Schmidt. She was a big girl, and she would be just fine, right?

_Right?_

Day one had been the hardest. Schmidt and Cece left for their honeymoon before anyone else was awake, and Winston had spent the night at Aly’s. And then...Nick left.

Jess barely slept and laid awake most of the night, running through her conversation with Nick over and over again. Her eyes were swollen from crying, her face puffy, and she realized that under no circumstance would she be able to face Nick before he left. She heard him get up that morning and start moving around the loft, packing and readying to leave for New Orleans. At one point he had knocked on her bedroom door and softly called, “Jess? Are you awake?”, but Jess froze and willed herself not to make a sound lest she give away that she indeed was awake and avoiding him. She eventually heard the loft door close behind Nick on his way out, and she crept over to her window and peeked out through a small crack in the curtains as she watched him get in a cab and drive away.

“Goodbye, Nick.” she whispered, and with that crawled back into her bed and sobbed into her pillows.

She spent the days ahead binge watching Dirty Dancing and eating endless pints of ice cream, physically unable to pull herself off the couch as the pain from the emotional turmoil was too much to bear. The pain overwhelmed her and she burst into tears without a moment’s notice, everything a trigger and everything reminding her of Nick.

The worst part of all was that she hadn’t heard from Nick, not even once. Even Cece, on her freaking honeymoon, managed to send her a few texts checking in with Jess and seeing how she was managing. Schmidt had even texted her, reminding her not to eat his artisanal cheeses while he was gone. But Nick? Nothing.

Jess had kept her phone beside her at all times, almost obsessive in her need to have it within her reach in case Nick texted or tried to call. She became hypervigilant and would grab her phone constantly, swearing to herself that she heard her phone ‘ding’ and that it was Nick finally reaching out to her. But her phone remained silent, and Nick never called. 

When Jess realized that her roommates were due home in three days, she knew she had to come up with a plan. While she had openly let herself mope around the loft in dirty pajamas and unkempt hair, Jess knew that when the guys got back from their trips, er, _honeymoons_ , that she needed to reassure them that everything was ok and she was just fine. What she really needed, the more she thought about it, was something to distract herself so her thoughts didn’t linger on the best friend who abandoned her. Jess also knew she had to get herself out of the loft, as every little thing there reminded her of Nick.

During one of her late night television binges, yet another pint of ice cream in hand, a commercial aired about the local community college offering recreational activity classes to adults: wood working, music, gardening, drawing, _everything_. It was brilliant, and it gave Jess exactly what she needed to stay out of the loft and focused on something other than Nick.

She grabbed her laptop and brought up the community college’s website and downloaded the class catalog. Several hours later, exhausted but proud of herself, Jess had signed herself up for five classes at the college, two book clubs, one gym class, and one volunteer spot. Thanks to her skill as a teacher managing and organizing every part of her day, Jess’s new “No Nick” schedule left her only two one-hour chunks of the day that she had to be at the loft. When she thought about it further, she told herself that it would be even less time due to having to leave to get to her next activity. 

Feeling a measure of contentment that she hadn’t felt in weeks, Jess closed her laptop and went to bed, sleeping better than she had in a long time.

......

Jess was deep into her new schedule by the time the loftmates started returning from their trips. While she didn’t _actively_ avoid them, she also did not want to give any of them an opening to pry into her feelings about Nick. Ever the caregiver, Jess believed that her feelings for Nick were her own problem and that no one needed to worry about her. They all had their own lives and they were moving forward like they should be.

After a few weeks Winston and Schmidt started to notice that the atmosphere in the loft felt a little off. They were both well aware of how perky and chipper Jess could be when she was deep into one of her craft projects or lesson planning for school, but this version of Jess seemed almost manic. At first they dismissed it, chalking it up to the summer holiday and her penchant for always keeping busy, but after a month of watching Jess run from one class to the next they started to worry.

Jess was thinner than they remembered her, and her skin was pale and her eyes no longer had the same shine and sparkle. Neither Winston nor Schmidt were dumb enough to _not_ realize that something had happened to Jess, but neither knew for sure what it could be. They each had their own suspicions, of course, but they didn’t know for sure until they cornered Cece one night and she accidentally let slip that Jess was struggling and working through some “stuff”.

The guys didn’t buy it, and even Cece knew that they didn’t believe her. Suddenly the loft door swung open revealing Jess, covered in sawdust and carrying her bag. She froze when she saw the looks on their faces, intuiting she had just walked in while they were talking about her. Jess saw the look of pity on their faces, and desperate to avoid any questions that she didn’t want to answer yet, scurried away to her bedroom and locked the door behind her.

_Another day down. I can do this. I can be over Nick by the time he returns from New Orleans._


	2. Avoidance is the Name of the Game

She dreamt about Nick again.

The first week was the worst. Jess spent all her time trying to keep herself distracted from thinking about Nick, but in the end when she went to bed at night, exhausted from the fourteen hour days she was putting in, she still always dreamt of him.

She sat up in bed and rubbed the sleep from her eyes. She glanced over at her phone: 6:15am. Jess knew she wouldn’t fall back asleep so she resigned herself to an early morning and made her way over to the closet and grabbed a pair of jeans and an old tee. She always left her morning gardening class covered in more dirt than was in the actual garden, so she knew she didn’t have to put much into getting dressed these mornings.

She quietly opened her bedroom door and padded her way to the kitchen, trying to decide what she wanted for breakfast. Still distracted by her dreams of Nick the previous night, Jess decided that she needed to begin her “No Nick” distraction techniques earlier in the day than she normally would, so she went to the cupboards and started taking out bowls and ingredients for making pancakes. 

Humming quietly to herself, Jess began gathering her ingredients and started the batter. On top of all her classes and hobbies, this summer she doubled down on the amount of baking she normally did. Pancakes, cupcakes, chocolate cakes, upside down cakes, any sort of ‘cake’ that she could make. The guys certainly had no complaints, and Jess was happy to have at least one distraction that would draw no questions from her friends.

Deep in thought, Jess didn’t hear Schmidt and Cece emerge from the bedroom and make their way to the kitchen island. Cece yawned and asked, “Whatcha making Jess?” Without looking up from what she was doing Jess replied “Pancakes! I had some extra time this morning and wanted to do something productive.” Still not meeting Cece’s gaze, Jess continued bustling around the kitchen cooking the pancakes and plating breakfast for everyone.

Sitting down with a plate of her own, knowing everyone had a mouthful of sticky pancakes, Jess knew she was safe from questioning for at least ten minutes which would give her just enough time to quickly eat breakfast and be out the door for the day. Cece, however, knew her friend well enough to know that this was a classic Jessica Day stall tactic, and she wasn’t about to let Jess get away with it.

Cece cleared her throat and casually said, “So Jess, Schmidt and Winston are going to keep me company during my bar shift tonight. Why don’t you come along, too? You haven’t come by in ages.”

Jess swallowed and studied her plate. The whole point of her “No Nick” schedule was based on the premise that everything that reminded her of Nick needed to be aggressively avoided so she wouldn’t think about him. Jess stood up and brought her dishes over to the sink and replied “Sorry Cece, I have class.”

Cece narrowed her eyes and shot invisible daggers at Jess’s back. “Didn’t you just have class last night?”

Jess quickly washed her dishes and turned around to look at Cece. “Yes Cece,” she said exasperatedly. “Last night was crochet class, and tonight is woodcarving.” Trying to give Cece as pointed a look as she could Jess turned around and scampered back to her room, desperate to avoid any more questions.

......

Cece watched Jess retreat to the safety of her bedroom and sighed, slightly shaking her head. She knew this time she pushed Jess a bit too far, but she was her best friend and Cece was starting to worry about her. 

“What has gotten into that woman??” Schmidt exclaimed, pounding his fist on the table. “She’s been acting strange the entire summer, and I can’t handle it!”

Neither Cece nor Winston said anything in reply to Schmidt’s outburst. All three of them knew that something was wrong with Jess, and no one wanted to be the first to finally bring up the situation they found themselves in. Cece wished she could reassure Winston and Schmidt that _technically_ Jess was ok, but Jess made her take a double pinky swear promise that she wouldn’t tell the guys.

Cece needed to give them at least _something_ so the conversation would end and the guys wouldn’t try to pry any more information from her. She made eye contact with Schmidt and gave him a very terse jerk of her chin. _We will talk later._ It was messy, being married to the man whose best friend is the guy who broke _your_ best friend’s heart. Cece tried not to lie _too much_ to her husband, but when it came to Jess there were some secrets she would keep no matter what.

“Jess is just going through some stuff. You know, the breakup with Sam, her dad’s divorce, lesson planning for school. She’s channeling her stress into all these weird projects.” Cece explained.

Cece knew immediately that Winston didn’t buy it. “That doesn’t make any sense,” Winston said, brows furrowed. “She’s been a teacher her whole life, doesn’t she, like, reuse everything? And her dad’s divorce was over six months ago! It doesn’t make sense; this only started like two months ago at the beginning of the summer.”

Cece, realizing that this conversation was starting to veer into dangerous territory, needed to put an end to it. “Guys, she’s just a little stressed, she’s fine.”

......

Jess finished getting dressed and ready for her day and walked towards her bedroom door just as there was a knock from the other side. She froze, silently cursing, as she wondered if Schmidt and Winston would start becoming more persistent in questioning her now. Thankfully, that thought was soon pushed away as she heard Cece on the other side of the door quietly ask, “Jess? Can I come in?”

Jess sighed and made the last few steps to her door, pulling the door open. “What do you want, Cece? I need to leave if I’m going to get to my class on time.” Cece pushed her way into Jess’s bedroom and closed the door behind her, giving her friend a stern look. “Ok, Jess, we need to talk.”

Jess fidgeted, knowing the direction this conversation was likely to go in, and desperate to avoid the inevitable forthcoming conversation she had tried to avoid all summer. “Look, Cece, I have to get going. I don’t have time for this right now.”

Cece’s eyes softened as she saw how uncomfortable Jess looked. It hurt Cece to see how much her best friend was struggling, and to see how much Jess had changed in such a short amount of time. Jess’s sparkle and boisterousness had always been the antidote to Cece’s cooler and more laid back personality. Cece had always been a bit jealous of Jess, with her big, sparkling blue eyes and a personality that could charm over even the most hardened of souls. 

_Like one Nick Miller._

But now her best friend was standing before her eyes to the ground, skin pale, skinny, and looking like she wanted to disappear. Cece would give anything to make this better for Jess, but both women knew deep down that fixing this wouldn’t be as easy at that. Jess didn’t have to tell Cece for her to know that Jess was so in love with Nick that she was actually wasting away. She desperately wanted to shake Jess and tell her everything she knew, but was caught in the middle of it all as she tried not to betray Schmidt’s trust.

“C’mon Jess,” Cece said softly. “Why won’t you come out with us tonight?”. 

Jess finally looked up, shoulders slumped. “You know why Ceec. Because I can’t think about Nick and I don’t want to hear the guys talk about him either. I need to let him go.”

“But that doesn’t mean you have to let all of us go.” Cece countered. “The guys know that something is up. They’re going to find out sooner or later. Why haven’t you told Nick how you feel?”

Jess stiffened and looked almost angry. “Because I can’t Cece. Because Nick is in New Orleans with his perfect girlfriend and his perfect relationship. Oh, and, he doesn’t feel the same way about me anymore.”

Feeling her eyes start to prickle, Jess hurried past Cece heading straight towards the front door and on her way to her next distraction.


	3. Unexpected Arrivals

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all the kind compliments so far! This is literally the FIRST time I've ever posted any fanfic and I was nervous that one would like it.

Jess managed to avoid any more interrogations for the next week as she made it a point to be up and out of the loft earlier than she normally did. _That_ would put an end to any more breakfast incidents and would allow her to be up and out before the others woke up.

One afternoon Jess walked out of the gym with her phone in hand, blowing air out of her mouth and upwards, ruffling her bangs. Checking her email, she noticed there was a message from her art teacher canceling class for the rest of the week. That meant that she had no art class this afternoon, and now she had to find something to occupy her time with until her next class in the evening.

Sometimes she would head down to the park, but today it was gloomy and looked like it would rain soon. Jess didn’t want to head back to the loft, but she also didn’t feel like traipsing through the city during a rainstorm, either. Winston and Schmidt would still be at work, right? She could afford to go home for a few hours this one time.

By the time Jess arrived at the loft it had already started drizzling, and she was happy with her decision to come home for a bit. Walking into 4D Jess paused at the door and listened for signs of activity in the loft. _No one’s here, perfect._

Jess missed spending time in the loft. She missed movie nights with the guys, epic games of True American, and spending the day reading on the couch. She chuckled as she remembered the nights Nick would try to make her a cup of tea, focusing oh so hard to make sure he didn’t spill hot tea on his hand as he brought the steaming mug to Jess.

_Stop it, Jess. He’s with Reagan now, he can’t be your best friend anymore. He doesn’t even want to TALK to you anymore._

She almost turned around right then and walked out of the loft, but remembered it was raining. Jess went to her bedroom and collapsed in a heap on her bed. When did she get so exhausted? Between the physical exhaustion she felt from her endlessly busy days out of the loft and the emotional exhaustion of coping with the loss of Nick, Jess felt like she was barely hanging on and could break into a million tiny pieces if she stopped too long to think about it. She rolled onto her back and stared up at the ceiling, taking slow deep breaths the way the lady in the podcast said to.

Nick was due home in four weeks. _Four weeks._ It still didn’t feel like enough time for Jess to get over him by the time he returned. She couldn’t tell what hurt worse at this point -- the fact that Nick was with Reagan, or that he hadn’t talked to her in over two months. They had _never_ gone this long without talking before. Hell, they had never gone a single _day_ . They always talked to each other. They were _best friends._

Well, _used_ to be best friends. 

Some days it felt like she would unravel completely; the gasping sobs that came unexpectedly and the tears that stung her eyes. That’s why there was a No Nick schedule; she needed _something_ to focus on that wasn’t Nick and didn’t remind her of the gaping hole left in her life. Jess started to feel lightheaded and felt her heartbeat quicken; she started having panic attacks a few weeks ago whenever she thought about Nick too much.

_Nick and his perfect girlfriend and their perfect relationship._

She closed her eyes and tensed all the muscles in her body, trying to stop the inner quake she felt every time this happened. Each new episode drained her a little bit more, and Jess began to be afraid of when the next one would come.

Her breathing finally slowed down, and as she relaxed onto her bed she heard the loft door open and what sounded like bags being dropped on the floor. Jess groaned and turned her head towards her bedroom door, waiting to hear which one of her roommates decided to come home early and ruin her alone time.

“Craw Daddy’s home and he’s ready to see his craw kids!”

Jess felt like she was hit by a semi truck, and she began to panic all over again. _No, it can’t be. I’m just imagining things. No, this isn’t happening._ When the voice started to call out the names of the loftmates, seeing who, if anyone, was home, Jess realized that she wasn’t dreaming and that she had just been thrown into her very worst nightmare.

_Nick is home. Nick. Here. No, no, no, no, no._

Jess frantically sprang up off her bed, trying not to make a sound and give herself away. She was the only person in the loft, and having to see Nick for the first time in months, and alone, was the uber-nightmare that she had been dreading the whole summer. Nick’s focus would only be on her, and Jess wouldn’t have anywhere to hide. A worse thought then popped into her head - _Is Reagan here, too?_

Jess didn’t know what to do. Should she hide and wait to see if Nick left the loft? Try to make a mad dash to the door and hope Nick didn’t see her? She ended up having very little time to decide as Nick called out her name a second time, and Jess was terrified of him walking into her bedroom and seeing her. 

She rolled off her bed and flattened herself on the floor between her bed and the windows, and hoped that Nick wouldn’t see her shadow under her bed. Jess heard his footsteps coming towards her and she curled up into a small ball, breathing heavily as she tried to lower her adrenaline.

“Jess? Hey Jessica, are you here? Where is everyone?”

Nick took a few steps into her bedroom and stopped, looking around the room as if expecting to find her waiting for him. He stood there, silent, looking at Jess’s room and seemingly lost in his thoughts. He stood there for a few moments before leaving, and soon Jess heard his footsteps turn towards the bathroom. If there was any time to escape, now was that time.

Hearing the bathroom door close behind him and the sound of the shower start, Jess knew this was her chance. She grabbed her purse and her sweater, and escaped through the front door as quietly as she could.

_This can’t be happening. I’m not ready. I can’t do this._

......

Nick walked out of the bathroom in his bath towel and stopped in the hallway right outside his and Jess’s rooms. All week he had been so excited about surprising everyone with his early return and unexpected arrival, and coming back to no one in the loft disappointed him because he wanted to see the look of surprise on their faces. 

Well, maybe just _one_ face. 

Realistically, Nick knew that no one would probably be home in the middle of the day. Jess, maybe, because she had the summer off from teaching. He had also secretly hoped that only Jess would be here so he could have some alone time with her before everyone else would come in and ruin it, _especially_ Schmidt. He had really missed Jess while he was gone in New Orleans, and he hadn’t talked to her in almost two months. There was so much to tell her!

He finally went into his bedroom and got dressed, taking an unusual amount of care in his appearance. It’s not that he necessarily wanted to impress anybody, but he didn’t want to give Schmidt a reason to start berating him over his personal habits for the umpteenth time. 

Just as Nick was starting to go through his luggage bags, he heard a key in the loft door and soon heard voices. It sounded like Cece and Schmidt, and that they were whisper-shouting at each other over some trivial faux paux that Schmidt probably accused Cece of. As he started to walk out into the hallway to greet them Nick caught a little of what they were talking about.

_“You realize she needs to talk to him, right?”_

_“I know babe, but you know this is different.”_

_“No, you need to fix this Cecelia. Talk to her.”_

Nick jumped out from the hallway and yelled “Ole Nicky’s back!”, startling both Schmidt and Cece into silence. Cece’s eyes opened wide as she stared at Nick who was very clearly back early from New Orleans and who was very clearly standing in the loft. Schmidt immediately launched himself at Nick, and much to Nick’s chagrin Schmidt enthusiastically fredo-kissed him. “Damn it Schmidt! I told you to stop doing that!”

Cece took a few steps back and mumbled “Hi Nick!” as reached for her phone. How was she going to tell Jess that Nick was home early? Cece was glad that Jess hadn’t been home when Nick arrived, knowing that it would have pushed Jess over the edge.

Cece decided to rip the bandaid off and make it short and to the point and typed out a quick text message to Jess.

_“Um, babe, I’m here at the loft and...Nick’s back early. Didn’t want you to be caught off guard when you get back. Xoxo”_

Cece had barely put her phone back in her purse when it dinged with the sound of a new text message. She saw it was from Jess, and was worried for her friend as she opened the text to read the reply.

_“I knowwww. I came home this afternoon and he walked in calling our names to see if anyone was here. I had to hide under my bed and escape when he wasn’t looking.”_

Cece snorted as she read the text. She pictured Jess army-crawling across the floor of the loft as she tried to sneak out without Nick noticing.

Schmidt turned to look at Cece. Always with a flair of a dramatic, he bellowed, “And what is so funny about Nick’s absence, Cecelia? His absence from my life is not a laughing matter!”

Cece gave a small laugh and tried to look as casual as she said, “Oh, it’s nothing, just a text message I was reading.”

With Cece being Jess’s best friend and the person Jess literally told everything to, Nick blurted out “Oh, who you talking to? Jess? How is Jess? What’s she been up to?”

Schmidt, having already forgiven Cece for laughing, gave her a pointed look as if to say he knew she was texting Jess and that she was probably giving Jess a heads up that Nick had returned early. Cece gave him the coldest stare she could muster in an attempt to keep Schmidt from saying anything about Jess.

“Oh, Jess?” Cece said. “Oh, you know, she’s good. She’s been keeping busy this summer.”

Nick tried to play it cool, but both Schmidt and Cece knew what he was really trying to say. “Oh! Well, that’s good. She’s always busy. That’s probably why we didn’t talk this summer because she had so much going on.”

As much as Cece liked Nick, and especially for Jess’s sake, she gave him a clipped answer. “Friendship is a two-way street, Nick. It goes both ways.” And before either man could say anything more Cece gave a quick “goodbye” and headed out the door.


	4. No Escape

Later on, even though Nick was tired from the flight home, he still had a creeping feeling that he was missing something, and that Cece and Schmidt tried to hide something from him. Did something happen to Jess this summer? Did she start _dating_ ? The thought sent a shock through his system, especially in light of him leaving New Orleans a month early to come home and see _her_.

Nick was still a little confused by Cece’s remark about friends and streets. These girls and their damned big words! But if Cece was texting Jess that meant she was around and he could text her, too. Right?

Nick grabbed a beer from the fridge and stretched out on the couch. With his phone in one hand and a beer in his other, he pulled up his text messages intent on talking to Jess. He paused, his mind suddenly blank and not knowing what to say. _She’s your best friend, you doofus. Just text her._

Nick brought up a new text message to Jess and simply went with _“Hey Jess, I came back early from New Orleans. See you soon!”_

Before he thought about it too much, Nick hit the ‘sent’ button and now waited to see if she would text him back. Jess always texted everyone back almost instantly, as if she could sense that they were about to text her. There had only been a few instances over the years where she didn’t text back right away, and those all happened when there was something wrong.

Nick continued to stare at his phone screen waiting for the little dots that let him know that she was typing, but they never came. He thought maybe there was something wrong with his phone signal; did something happen when he was in the airplane? Nick never knew how these things worked. So just to be safe, he sent off one more message to Jess. “ _If you’re free come visit me at the bar tonight so we can catch up!”_

Nick finally put his phone down, more disappointed than he cared to admit, and chugged the rest of his beer, closing his eyes and determined to take a nap before he headed to the bar for his shift later.

......

Jess walked out of her evening creative writing class and grabbed her phone from her bag to see what time it was. She hit the home screen button to turn on her screen and saw she had several new messages. She smiled when she saw more messages from Cece warning her about Nick, bless her, and then when she minimized Cece’s message Jess saw that she also had messages from...Nick.

Jess laughed bitterly. She almost forgot what it was like to talk to Nick since he hadn’t spoken to her in months. She felt her heart start to beat faster, and against her better judgment she opened up the texts from Nick just to get it over with.

_“Hey Jess, I came back early from New Orleans. See you soon!”_

_“If you’re free come visit me at the bar tonight so we can catch up!”_

Oh no. No, no, no. Jessica Day would certainly not be visiting one Nick Miller at the bar tonight. If Nick was bored and wanted someone to talk to then he could call his perfect girlfriend. Jess used to love spending nights at the bar when Nick was working; she loved how she was always secretly able to sneak glances at him without anyone noticing, _especially_ Nick. Since they had broken up a few years ago she couldn’t openly let her gaze linger on Nick for too long without drawing attention to herself. She felt sad now because she was actively avoiding him instead of looking for ways to spend time with her best friend...well, ‘friend’ at least.

Jess looked at the time and saw that it was almost 7pm. Surely Nick was already at the bar, and it would be safe for her to return home for the night. She figured she’d quickly make a plate of food for dinner and retreat to her bedroom so she didn’t have to interact with anyone the rest of the night. Nick always slept in the mornings after his late bar shifts, so in reality Jess would have plenty of time to wake up in the morning and be out the door before Nick even knew she was there in the first place.

It looked like it was going to rain again, and even though she didn’t want to go back to the loft Jess knew there was no other choice. She would be as quiet as she could and if luck was on her side no one would hear her come in.

Hiking up her bag on her shoulder, Jess started to feel the beginning of a rain drizzle and started to make her way back home.

......

It had begun to rain in earnest by the time Jess made it back to the loft. She was glad to turn the corner and see the apartment building across the street; she was soaked through and rain was literally dripping from her hair. She fumbled with her keys and finally opened the door, happy to be inside and somewhere where she wasn’t being assaulted by things falling from the sky. Jess blessedly didn’t have to wait for the elevator, and before she knew it she was standing in front of apartment 4D.

Opening the door and walking in, she noticed the tv was on and there was a pair of legs stretched out on the couch. Jess knew Winston had been working odd hours this week as he went through a new police training course, and she figured he had come home to sleep it off before heading in for his regular shift. Wanting to avoid Winston’s ever annoying “adjusted sleep schedule” complaint, Jess tried to be as quiet as she could as she crept across the floor towards her bedroom. Her effort was in vain, though, as she noticed Winston starting to stir. As he pushed himself into an upright position Jess’s eyes grew big as she saw that it was NOT Winston who was on the couch...it was Nick.

Jess froze, feet cemented to the floor, unable to move and unable to say anything. As Nick began to rub the sleep from his eyes he looked up and saw Jess, and immediately the largest grin that Jess had ever seen crossed his face. “Jess!” he exclaimed, unsteadily pushing himself off the couch. “You’re here! How the heck are ya? Come here and let me see you!”

Her mind raced as she tried to figure out what to do. Remembering that she was still soaking wet from walking home in the rain and leaving puddles on the floor, she blurted out “Gotta change!” and ran to her room, locking the door behind her. Leaning her back against the door, she forced herself to take big, deep breaths as she frantically tried to figure out what to do. Changing into dry clothes was a given, but a million scenarios were running through her head as she tried to think of a way to escape the loft without having to talk to Nick. 

Getting a grip on herself, Jess dashed over to her closet and began to grab clothes at random. At this point she cared less about what she actually grabbed so long as it was dry. She easily took her shirt off over her head and started hopping on one leg as she tried to shimmy off her wet jeans. A sharp knock at the door caused her to tumble onto her bed. 

“Hey Jess! Everything ok in there? What’s going on?”

Jess stood up and righted herself, pulling the dry jeans over her legs and up onto her hips. “Uh..yeah, fine Nick! Just wanted to get out of these wet clothes! Rain, huh?”

Nick knocked on the door again. “Hey Jess, are you done changing? Can I come in? I missed ya!”

Jess felt trapped and her anxiety immediately started to rise. There was no other way out of her bedroom other than the door and the man standing on the other side of it. How in the world would she be able to maneuver her way out of this one? She started to pace around the room wringing her hands, knowing that Nick was waiting for an answer from her.

“Hey Jess, come on out and let me see ya!”

At this point Jess began feeling like a caged animal and felt the anxiety starting to rise in her throat. She acted almost instinctively and ripped her bedroom door open, pausing for a second as she took in Nick’s face. “Hey Nick,” she squeaked, averting her gaze. “Aren’t you supposed to be at the bar tonight?”


	5. The Reunion

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope I made this believable enough! Xx

Time seemed to stand still as the door opened and Nick took in the sight of Jessica Day for the first time in almost two months. God, it felt like the sun came out and chased those stupid rain clouds away. He already knew that he had missed her while he was gone, but didn’t quite realize the extent to which there had been a hole left in his life until she opened her bedroom door and stood in front of him.

Sure, he had fun in New Orleans and spent long days finishing his first draft of  The Pepperwood Chronicles , but it hit him even harder now to realize just how  much he had missed her. It hit him like a punch in the gut; God, had he missed her. Nick felt his stomach flutter being this close to her again.

Jess took a tiny step backwards refusing to meet his gaze and fingering the hem of her shirt.  Why does she look nervous? But Nick, still fueled by the adrenaline of finally seeing Jess again, pushed the thought into the back of his mind. Right now he was just excited to be back at the loft, and with Jess, and everything else could wait.

“Come here why don’t ya and give ole Nick Miller a hug!”

There had always been an ease between Nick and Jess that lasted even after they broke up. Each could read and intuit the other, and were sometimes so in sync that Schmidt once exclaimed that there was sorcery afoot. Nick always knew when Jess had a bad day at school, or was overthinking something. Jess always knew when Nick had a bad shift at the bar or couldn’t make a decision. Both had embraced it, and chalked it up to their best friend-ness.

Jess finally looked up and made eye contact with Nick again. “Hey Miller.” she said softly. Nick had always secretly loved when she called him that, and the fact she continued to do it even after they broke up always gave him this little glimmer of hope that maybe, just maybe, there might still be some feelings for him buried deep down somewhere inside in her. 

“Hey Day.” he responded, a slow smile spreading across his face. “I missed you.”

But to Nick’s surprise Jess didn’t respond with her usual soft and warm inflection that she saved only for him; it looked like someone had just slapped her in the face and she choked out “You did?”.

Nick stood there, confused, and didn’t know what to say. He rubbed the back of his neck like he always did when he was lost for words and didn’t know what to say. Both of them had always greeted each other boisterously and dramatically when the other returned from being away, and it had become almost a secret game between them to over-act their reunions with each other. The Jessica Day that stood in front of him now was a stranger that he didn’t recognize.

“Well of course I did! Why wouldn’t I have missed ya?” he blustered.

Nick closed the gap between them and went in for a hug. “C’mon, get in here kid!” he said as he reached his arms around her and pulled Jess against him. He took a deep breath in and inhaled the scent of her shampoo, melting a little when he breathed in the familiar scent. He frowned into her shoulder when he realized that he didn’t remember the last time he hugged Jess and promptly pulled her in a little bit tighter.

Nick tried not to overthink the thought that Jess hesitated a moment before bringing her arms up to return his hug. He also tried to push away the creeping thought that Jess felt somehow...smaller, than she used to be. Nick could feel the bones in her back and realized that she felt cold, like  actually cold. When they were dating he had always joked that she was his own personal little space heater. Jess would always pretend to fight it but in the end she never said no to Nick and always scooched a little closer. Even after they broke up, it always gave him little butterflies when she would still sometimes come in and sit so close to him.

Things had changed when he started dating Reagan; Jess didn’t stay for the loft movie nights much anymore and also seemed too busy to have the time to sit down and watch a movie with them. Nick had always chalked it up to her being busy with being school principal and spending time with Cece, but he secretly missed the closeness they used to share even once he started dating Reagan. They were best friends, and it meant nothing, right? Purely platonic.

Nick felt Jess slowly drop her arms and wiggle out of his grasp, taking a small step back. She looked back up at him with a small smile, and Nick felt his heart tug a little as he noticed that it looked like she was trying not to cry. She tilted her head and sighed, “I missed you, too, Nick.” 

Jess felt herself starting to breathe faster, her anxiety starting to reach dangerous levels, and she mumbled, “Uh, I gotta go Nick. I’m meeting Cece tonight and she’s waiting for me. I’ll see you later, ok?”. 

And with that she scampered out of her bedroom and towards the front door, leaving behind a very confused Nick.


	6. The Wheels Start Turning

Cece was not waiting for Jess. 

Cece didn’t even know that Jess was on her way to see her until Schmidt opened the front door for them to leave to go to the bar and she saw Jess standing on the sidewalk in front of the door.

“Jess?” Cece asked, clearly confused. “What are you doing here?”

Schmidt immediately turned around and looked at Cece with a look that clearly bespoke of his annoyance that Jess has interrupted them  _ yet again _ and inserted herself into their newlywed life. He huffed dramatically, “Cecelia, I don’t know what is going on here but we are supposed to be on our way to the bar to celebrate Nicholas’s return tonight. Fix whatever ‘this’ is so we can go.”

Jess rolled her eyes at Schmidt’s outburst. “Gee, thanks Schmidt.”

Cece hadn’t yet taken her eyes off of Jess, noticing her friend’s blank stare and the fact that she looked like she just saw a ghost. Cece had only seen this look on Jess a few times during their friendship, and that look meant that something was very, very wrong.

Jess raised her eyebrows when she saw Cece looking at her, and Cece noticed Jess trying to silently mumble “help me”. Cece almost instantly knew what the likely problem was, and cut in to run interference with Schmidt. “Oh, babe, I totally forgot to tell you that Jess and I had plans tonight. Tell Nick that I’ll catch up with him later, ok?”

Cece saw Jess’s shoulders drop in relief, and turned to give her sweetest look at her husband. “You better get going babe, Winston is probably already there.”

Schmidt gave his loudest ‘harrumph’ yet and made his way to the car. He was soon pulling out of the driveway, and Cece and Jess were left standing looking at each other. Jess’s lip started to tremble a bit, and Cece immediately stepped forward and put her arm around her best friend. “C’mon, let’s get you inside and get you a glass of wine.”

......

Schmidt, having not been able to find a parking spot close to the bar, was already in a bad mood by the time he walked through the door and over to Winston sitting at the bar. Winston winced as Schmidt wordlessly threw himself onto the bar stool next to him and asked Winston, “Where’s Nick?”

Winston was now in the predicament of having to deal with not one, but  _ two _ very grumpy friends who were most certainly harshing his vibe. “What is up with you guys tonight?” Winston asked sharply. “Both of you are in a foul mood tonight.”

“What are you talking about?” Schmidt grumbled. “Nicholas is back, everything is well with the world again.”

Winston didn’t believe Schmidt any more than he did Nick when he arrived at the bar twenty minutes ago. “Well, you’re both in terrible moods for two friends who say they’re happy to see each other again.”

Schmidt sobered up and looked around the bar. “Where’s Nick? I need a drink.”

“I think out back.” Winston replied. “He was in a pretty bad mood when I got here and wouldn’t talk about it.”

As if saying Nick’s name would summon him a la Beetlejuice, Schmidt and Winton looked up and saw Nick coming out of the back office. “There you are,” Schmidt declared loudly. “Bartender, get me a drink.”

Nick came around the bar towards them and stood across from the two sitting on their barstools. He sighed and looked at his two friends. “Sorry guys,” he said as he ran his hand through his hair. “I’m just feeling a little bit off tonight. What can I get you Schmidty?”

Neither Winston nor Schmidt had had much of a chance to talk to Nick since his unexpected arrival earlier, and other than knowing that Nick was back in Los Angeles they had no idea what had gone on in Nick’s life for the past two months. Each held their own level of saltiness over Nick’s lack of communication during that time, but in the end none of three of them would admit the relief they felt in having everyone back together again.

Nick started preparing a drink for Schmidt when Winston casually asked, “Hey man, what’s got you so down tonight? I’d have figured you’d be flying high coming back from a trip like that with Reagan and finishing your book.”

Nick pushed the drink over to Schmidt and then picked up a towel to start drying glasses. “Nah man,” he said, relaxing and looking more like himself. “I’m probably just tired from the flight and everything. I’m sure I’ll be back at it tomorrow.”

Noticing new customers sitting down at the bar, Nick left Winston and Schmidt sitting there with their drinks as he went to take the orders of the customers that just sat down. Schmidt, his bad mood already long gone and attention now on Nick, turned to Winston and asked quietly “What did I miss before I got here? Did he say anything?”

Winston slowly shook his head. “Nah man, he didn’t say much. I asked how New Orleans was and he said he loved finishing writing his book, but didn’t mention much beyond that. He didn’t even mention Reagan.”

“Do you think they broke up?” Schmidt asked.

“I don’t know man,” Winston replied thoughtfully. “Post-breakup Nick is usually more of a sad, alcoholic mess. This Nick seems...I don’t know, distracted? Or sad, maybe? I don’t know, this is new Nick territory here and I’m at a loss.”

They both fell silent as Nick made his way back to them after serving the other customers and leaned on the bar. “So, what did I miss guys? Tell me everything that’s been going on the past two months!” Schmidt thought Nick sounded like he was trying to make himself sound more cheerful than he actually felt, but decided to run with it since Nick had now given him a wide opening into the topic. “What do you want to know, Nick?”

Nick shrugged his shoulders nonchalantly and leaned back to pick up his towel again. “I dunno man,” he said dismissively. “What’s going on with you two? How’s Cece?”.

Winston and Schmidt looked at each other, Winston’s eyebrow raised in a questioning look. They both realized that Nick hadn’t asked about Jess, and that meant there certainly was something going on that Nick didn’t mention.

Schmidt replied, “Cece’s good. We’re still putting the finishing touches on the house but most of the work is done.” Schmidt fell silent for a moment, waiting to see if Nick would now inquire about Jess. When Nick didn’t say anything, Schmidt then offered, “Cece is with Jess tonight.”

Schmidt thought he saw a twitch in Nick’s neck, but continued to press on. “Things have been really different around the loft this summer.”

Nick looked back up with a look on his face that Schmidt did not know how to decipher. Winston added, “Jess isn’t there much anymore so everything has just felt different.”.

Nick felt his hand clenching the towel, thankful that it wasn’t something he might break due to the vice-like grip he currently had around it. His stomach dropped as his earlier intuition about Jess rang true -- something  _ did _ happen while he was away.  _ She’s not dating anyone, right? Someone would have told me by now. Right? RIGHT? _

Nick put the towel back and picked up a rag to start buffing the bar, trying not to make eye contact with his friends that he  _ guaranteed _ knew that he was lying to them. Nick cleared his throat and asked dismissively, “Well, she’s always busy, isn’t she? And it’s not like she’s dating anyone.”

Nick winced as he realized he said too much. “ _ Great job, you dumbass.” _ he thought to himself. Schmidt saw how white-knuckled Nick’s hands were and knew his friend was trying to keep his cool. “To be honest, I don’t know.” Schmidt replied. “Jess is literally never home, and the few times we do see her she’s always rushing out the door to go somewhere or another. She’s been absolutely manic and has single-handedly destroyed the loft ecosystem!”.

Winston reached over and patted Schmidt’s arm, trying to head off an inevitable Schmidt soap box speech. “Look man, it’s probably nothing. When Schmidt and I got back from the honeymoon Jess had signed up for all these classes and she was never home anymore. She’d be gone by the time we woke up and she always came back super late.”

Nick reached his hand back to massage his neck. Why had it been hurting so much lately? He sighed as he realized that he wasn’t fooling either one of them.  _ Damn it, I just need to get this over with. _

“So I, uh, saw Jess earlier.” he spit out.

“Tell me something I don’t already know, Nicholas.” Schmidt scoffed.

Nick tried to brush it off. “It was nothing. She came home when I was sleeping on the couch, and just..she seemed a little off, that’s all.”

Schmidt rolled his eyes. “Have you tried  _ talking _ to her Nicholas?”.

“Have you tried talking to her Nicholas?” Nick parroted back quietly under his breath. “Of course I did you dumbass. But it was weird, like she was trying to avoid me or something. But you’re right, it’s probably nothing. I probably just surprised her, that’s all. I’ll try talking to her tomorrow.”

But Nick knew he was in for a long night. Despite what Schmidt and Winston said, he still felt like there was something wrong.

_ What did I do? _


	7. Something is Wrong

By the time Nick’s bar shift ended and he made his way home it was nearly 1:30 in the morning. He silently thanked whatever god there was for creating elevators, and before he knew it Nick was standing in front of the door to apartment 4D. He was exhausted beyond repair, and as he reached for the door knob to let himself in he suddenly let his hand drop to his side.

_Jess is on the other side of this door._

Nick stood there looking at the door and thought back to his encounter with Jess earlier in the evening. Something still didn’t seem right to him and he was frustrated that he couldn’t put his finger on it. Just as Schmidt had always bragged that he had a PhD in ‘Nickology’, Nick liked to joke that he had a degree in Jessica Day-ism. When they dated she always got so frustrated that he always caught out her little fibs because he knew all of her little tells; when she was lying, when she was embarrassed, when she was angry. He smiled as he pictured her stamping her little foot and giving him her own cute Jessica Day version of a turtle face.

Nick took a slow, deep breath as he remembered the memory; he loved making her smile. Even after they broke up sometimes, when he was sure no one was watching, he couldn’t help but try to do little silly things to elicit a small smile. Jess’s happiness gave him life. Nick had originally thought it was a brilliant plan to come home early and surprise Jess, but when the long awaited moment occurred instead of joy he found nothing but sadness.

_Get a hold of yourself MIller. You’re overthinking this. This is Jess you’re talking about._

He ran his hand over his face and rubbed his eyes, feeling the late night starting to finally get to him and making him drowsy. Nick finally opened the door and shuffled into the apartment, dropping his keys onto the hallway table and shutting the door behind him. Turning around he finally noticed that the tv was quietly playing, and that someone was asleep on the couch.

It had been a long time since Nick came home from a late night at the bar and found someone else still awake. Once upon a time, before they dated, Jess had a habit of watching late night movies when she couldn’t sleep or had too much on her mind. After a while, when she had been around long enough and he stopped thinking she was so annoying, he started to join her. It was nothing out of the ordinary, just two people sitting on the couch in silence watching a movie. Nick chuckled to himself; these overnight movies were the _only_ time Jess was quiet when she was watching something.

He tiptoed over to the couch and saw it was Jess. _Hah! Can’t avoid me if you’re asleep!_ Nick knew he sounded - and felt - like a creeper, but felt a small thrill at the chance to finally take a look at his best friend without her dodging him and sprinting away. 

Nick always loved watching Jess sleep, but no, not in the creepy way. He loved the little twitch she got by her nose when she was asleep (she still denies that it exists), and the way she looked so peaceful after even the worst of days. She would mumble sometimes when she was deep in sleep, and it had sent a shiver down his spine when he heard her mumble ‘Nick’ for the first time. 

_I wonder if she still dreams about me._

Nick noticed that she had been watching The Walking Dead. It had been a staple of theirs years before, but he thought she stopped watching it after they broke up. He bent down ever so slightly, bringing himself more level with Jess and trying not to wake her up. There was an empty wine glass on the table, and what looked like wadded up kleenex in her one hand. Her face seemed thinner than he remembered, no more soft little cheeks that he liked to kiss and run his thumb over. Even now, asleep, she didn’t look peaceful. 

However tempted his tired brain was, Nick firmly shut down the intruding thoughts that the combination of the kleenex, wine, and scary tv show was somehow a clue as to what was going on with her. He sucked in his breath as Jess started to shift her arms, but the moment passed and she remained asleep. Head turned, some loose curls now falling over her face, Nick couldn’t help but to gently take one in his fingers and brush it away behind her ear.

......

Nick groaned and turned over on the bed awakened by a loud crash coming from the vicinity of the kitchen. 

“Jessica, you heathen!” Schmidt roared. “That is a top of the line frying pan!”

Nick groaned and pushed himself up into a sitting position. He looked at the clock, 8:13am, and cursed when he realized how early it was. Now awake, he began to hear the voices of the others as well. Slipping on a pair of pants, Nick trudged to the door and stepped out into the hallway. 

As he approached the kitchen he saw everyone gathered around the island while Jess, back turned to everyone, was clearly busy cooking _something_. As if she could sense his arrival Jess turned around and saw Nick. “Hey Nick!” she said smiling. “I’m about done with the pancakes if you want to join in for breakfast.”

Nick noticed Cece watching him out of the corner of her eyes, and he sat down at the last seat at the island. “Sure, Jess, that sounds great.”

He enjoyed the familiar buzz of life in apartment 4D. Schmidt and Winston arguing, Cece talking to Jess, Jess rambling as she cooked them some new dish or other. It almost felt like the previous day didn’t even happen, and that everything was as it should be.

_It was all just a bad dream, Miller. Everything is fine._

Nick watched her intently, observing her as she bustled around the kitchen and talked with the others.

“Hey Winston,” she said cheerfully. “Don’t forget to bring your notes for your meeting today. You’ve got this!” she finished, fist punching the air with a spatula still in her grasp and flinging pancake batter everywhere. “Oops.” she giggled.

Cece helped Jess plate the pancakes and pass them out to the others. Everyone with their respective coffees or juices made their way to the table, each gravitating to their ‘personal’ chair as if they were still students obsessing over desk seats. From the beginning, Nick and Jess had always had the chairs against the wall with the windows to their backs, and it had remained that way even after they broke up. The two sat next to each other, period, and that was simply a Nick-and-Jess quirk that was unspoken.

Nick grabbed his plate and made his way to the table when he saw that Schmidt took his seat. “What the hell man?” Nick said. “You know that’s my seat.”

Schmidt leveled a very impassive look at Nick and simply said, “Not today, it isn’t.”

Nick flashed a classic turtle face at Schmidt and turned his gaze to the rest of the table. He saw Jess drop into her usual seat at the table, and decided he would just sit at the end seat they had bought to accommodate Coach when he still lived there. But before he knew what was happening, Cece somehow managed to sneak behind him and sit down and claim the seat.

Nick was frustrated. “Cece, why aren’t you sitting next to your husband?”

Cece gave a cool shrug of her shoulders and simply replied, “I’m sitting next to Jess.”

Nick frowned and took his place at the last remaining seat at the table which unfortunately was the furthest seat from Jess. He had wanted to sit next to her and finally have his first real conversation with her in...well, over two months. He was still a little thrown off from their less than great reunion yesterday, and had hoped to have time to talk to her this morning to assuage his deep seated fear that something was somehow very wrong. 

Nick moodily shoved mouthfuls of pancake into his mouth while he tried to listen in on Cece and Jess’s conversation. Schmidt, however, clearly didn’t care and was obnoxiously trying to monopolize Nick’s attention by prattling on about how some new account his boss wouldn’t let him take the lead on.

It soon didn’t matter as he watched Jess push herself up from the table and bring her plate over to the sink. “Alright guys,” she called over her shoulder as she washed her plate in the sink. “Don’t expect this every morning guys. My art class got canceled this morning and that’s the only reason I had time to do this. And don’t count me in for dinner tonight, I have that workshop I’m going to!”

_Art class? Workshop? Since when does Jess go to ART class?_

And before Nick knew it, she was gone again and he was no closer to talking to her than he had been the day before.


	8. Thwarted

The days that followed remained largely the same: Jess continued to evade Nick, and Nick grew considerably more desperate to connect with Jess. He tried everything; getting up early, texting her, offering to drive her to the store, asking if she wanted to watch a movie -- Jess wouldn’t take the bait.

Jess didn’t trust herself around Nick, and as much as she felt terrible about freezing out her (best?) friend she knew that it was the only way for her to heal and get over Nick. She knew she was being petty and childish, almost giving him the equivalent of the silent treatment and generally refusing to make eye contact with him. It pained Jess to hear the frustration and hurt in his voice, but she knew she had to do this and only hoped that one day he would understand.

She would sometimes catch him sneaking glances at her when he thought she wasn’t paying attention, and a few times while at the bar at night Cece would lean over and whisper to Jess that Nick kept looking at her. Jess would always hurriedly shush Cece and try to divert the conversation, unwilling to entertain the thought that Nick was looking at her  _ that _ way. Pining for Nick had gotten her into this trouble in the first place.

Jess threw herself into her busy schedule with a renewed vigor that surprised even herself. School would be starting up soon in a few weeks, and if she could  _ just _ make it until then she told herself she’d be ok. 

_ Just a few more weeks of this schedule, you can do this! _

But that hope quickly faded when Cece and Schmidt came over one night and  _ literally _ carried Jess down to their car. “What the hell, guys?” Jess protested from the back seat, rubbing her arm where Cece’s grip had been.

Cece turned around from the passenger seat and shot a determined look at Jess. “We’re going out to dinner.”

“You didn’t have to  _ carry _ me there.” Jess grumbled under her breath.

“Clearly we did as you’ve refused to go to dinner with us for weeks now.” Cece replied coolly.

Jess crossed her arms and sank down in the seat, staring out the window. She knew there was no way to get out of it, so the best she could do was resign herself to her fate and hope for the best. “Where are we going?” she grumbled at Cece.

“That burger joint we all liked the last time we were there. You know, the one with the milkshakes?” Cece replied.

“Fine.” Jess said quietly, and sat back and looked out the window for the rest of the car ride there.

Twenty minutes later they pulled up to the restaurant and found a parking spot in the back of the lot. Jess had finally relaxed from her literal kidnapping, and when the adrenaline in her body settled down she knew deep down that she was looking forward to spending time with them. Linking arms with Cece, the three walked through the parking lot and in the front door.

There were only a few tables occupied, and Jess saw immediately that Winston and Aly were already sitting at a big table at the back of the restaurant. “Over here guys!” Winston called as he stood up from his seat and waved at them. Jess turned to Cece questioningly, “You didn’t tell me that Winston and Aly were going to be here, too.”

Cece waved back at Winston and replied “I said in the car you haven’t been out to dinner with  _ us _ \- Winston and Aly are part of  _ us _ .” 

Jess felt a little uneasy; she hadn’t spent time with the whole group in weeks, and she felt her anxiety rising a little.  _ Nick is working at the bar tonight. You can survive one dinner with your friends.  _ She immediately felt guilty for feeling like spending time with her friends was an unpleasant chore that must be dealt with, so she was determined to relax and enjoy the night with people who clearly cared about her very much.

She sat down at the end of the table with Cece on her left, Winston sitting across from her, and the empty corner seat to her right. Jess relaxed as she sat down, feeling the comfortable buzz of conversation and menu pages flipping as everyone decided what they wanted.

Cece was proud of Jess. She was sure that Jess would have put up a much larger fight when being physically kidnapped, but she also knew that Jess was mentally running on empty as she tried to cope with Nick’s early arrival. She saw how thin and pale Jess looked; she was barely even making eye contact with her friends sitting around the table, but Cece knew that this was a big step for her friend and she was proud of Jess.

Her and Schmidt had not felt the most proud when they concocted their idea of a dinner outing sans Nick, but in the end they both knew this was the only way it would work. They planned it specifically on a night when they knew Nick would be miles deep in customers at the bar, and Cece pointedly told her husband that Nick was  not to be brought up as a topic of conversation.

Their meals soon arrived and Jess was spared the necessity of talking since everyone around the table was busy with their food in front of them. She had ordered a modest, small sandwich and a small order of fries and picked at them slowly as she tried her best to listen to her friends around the table. Jess tried to jump in the conversation when she could, and was grateful that no one brought up Nick.

Halfway through their meal Winston abruptly interrupted their conversation and stood up waving, “Hey man! Over here!”. Jess noticed that Schmidt had an odd expression on his face and that Cece turned around and instantly muttered, “Damn it Winston! Did you tell him that we were here?”

Jess froze and heard a rush of sound in her ears as her heart tried its best not to pound right out of her chest. Winston, confused by Cece’s outburst, said, “Yeah I did, why? Was he not supposed to know?”. And then heard the sound she dreaded most to hear -- Nick’s voice.

......

Nick felt like a lucky bastard that he was able to escape from his bar shift early. The bar was hosting trivia that night which always meant that there were larger than usual groups of competitive, drunk people stumbling around and trying to cause fights with each other. He realized that these nights meant good business for the bar, but he was always spent by the time they were over and he was able to escape home to the loft and pass out face down in bed.

Winston had texted Nick earlier in the night asking where the communal phone charger was (“It should never leave the living room!”), and in the process had mentioned that the gang was heading out for dinner that night and that Nick should join them if he was able to sneak out of the bar early.

Nick had felt a little miffed at hearing about their dinner plans second hand, but quickly forgave the oversight when he found a way to sneak out of his shift early. The restaurant wasn’t too far away from the bar, and Nick was able to make his way there in less than fifteen minutes. He was looking forward to finally sitting down with everyone like they all used to, and to have a lowkey night with his friends.

He walked in the front door and looked around for his friends, seeing them congregated at a large table at the back of the restaurant away from the other diners. His mouth watered when he smelled the sweet, sweet scent of fried foods, and got more pumped when he remembered that this was the place with the awesome milkshakes that Jess had always liked. 

_ I wonder what ‘class’ she’s at tonight. _

As Nick approached the table he saw that Schmidt was shooting him an odd ‘what are you doing here’ glance and that Cece had turned around and was shooting him her best attempt at a stink eye.  _ What is up with these two lately? _ As he came around the table and over the last open seat, he stopped mid stride when he noticed Jess at the table. She looked at him blankly for a moment as the others greeted him and he took the last open seat which was ironically next to Jess.  _ How did they manage to get her out of the loft? _

Nick hoped that the others couldn’t hear how fast his heart was beating in his chest, and desperately made a wish that Jess wouldn’t get up and sprint away from the table. He realized immediately what this opportunity meant -- they would be sitting side by side for the remainder of dinner, and he bet all his bar tips that Jess didn’t come here of her own volition.

_ Cece, you unexpected genius. _


	9. Revelations

“Hey Jess.” Nick said gently as he took his seat at the table.

“Hey Nick.” she replied softly, favoring him with a small smile before turning her attention back to her food.

Nick felt a hint of butterflies in his stomach; stupid, he knew, but it was the first real smile he’d saw Jess give him since he came home over a week ago. He hated how he felt nervous around her now, the longstanding easygoing camaraderie between them now very clearly gone. Nick didn’t know how to put a name on this kind of hurt feeling he was experiencing, and he wished he could just shake Jess’s shoulders until she told him what was wrong.

He remained quiet as he listened in on the conversation at the table and waited for his food to arrive. Nick noticed that Jess, while still a little quiet, was at least participating in the conversations and didn’t seem to be such a flight risk anymore. Winston at one point asked him about  _ The Pepperwood Chronicles _ ; Nick noticed that Jess seemed to perk up at the mention of the subject and he felt his skin tingle. He hadn’t even had the chance to tell her yet that he dedicated the book to her, and also felt himself relax as he felt like everyone had forgiven him now by going away for two months.  _ It was almost three. _

Enjoying the feeling of normalcy, Nick relaxed and enjoyed being around his friends again. Sure, being with Reagan in New Orleans had been great, but if he was really honest with himself the novelty of it all started to wear off after fairly quickly. Back in LA he had Schmidt and Winston and Jess to balance out the no-nonsense, wry personality of Reagan, but alone with her in New Orleans it became glaringly obvious that Reagan had a one dimensional personality and he needed...more. While Nick had originally been drawn to Reagan’s laid back and detached approach to their relationship, as time went on he felt like he wasn’t even sure that he knew her.

Nick’s thoughts were interrupted as Winston called his name. “Hey man,” he asked Nick. “You haven’t mentioned it and I keep forgetting to ask you, how are things with Reagan?”.

Nick wasn’t sure he wanted to have this conversation right now in this place and with the present company, but ultimately figured it would come out eventually. “Actually, Reagan and I broke up. We were just two different people looking for different things.” 

Nick had barely gotten out the last of his sentence before Cece interrupted the conversation. “Sorry guys, it’s getting late and I’m not feeling so well. Babe? We should probably get going and take Jess and go home.”

Nick frowned at Cece’s rudeness, but didn’t see Jess’s hand underneath the table gripping Cece’s like a vice and silently pleading with her best friend to take her home.

......

Ten minutes later Nick, Winston, and Aly left as well, the evening taking a turning point when Cece abruptly got up and left with Schmidt and Jess. Now Cece was mad at him, too?  _ What in the world is going on with these women! _

Nick arrived back at the loft to find Schmidt watching tv on the couch, and Winston appeared ten minutes later after having dropped Aly off at her place. Nick grabbed a Heisler from the fridge and threw himself down unceremoniously on the couch next to Schmidt and soon after joined by Winston. 

Nick had had enough of whatever little game his friends were playing with him since he came home and was determined to get to the bottom of it. Fed up and riled up, he got off the couch and loomed over his two friends. “Out with it, now. What the hell is going on with you two? You can’t seriously still be pissed that I went to New Orleans over the summer. And Schmidt, what the hell is up with Cece lately? Did I do something to piss her off? And what is wrong with Jess? I want answers, NOW.”

Nick did not fail to notice that Schmidt and Winston shot guilty glances at each other. “So?” Nick continued. “Who’s going to talk first?”.

Schmidt shifted uneasily on the couch and looked at Nick, unsure of how much to say. “Look man, just...a lot of stuff has happened since you took off after the wedding and you’re probably just readjusting to the loft dynamic. We didn’t see you for over two months.”

Nick stared at Schmidt, waiting for him to continue. “Like what?” he retorted. “What could I have possibly missed while I was gone? And what is up with Jess? Is she sick? Did something happen to her? What aren’t you telling me?”

Both Schmidt and Winston felt trapped; while they both desperately wanted just to blurt it out because  _ Nick was the dumbest boy in school _ , but each knew their respective women would flay them within an inch of their life if they came right out and told him.

“Jess has just been dealing with a lot since the wedding.” Schmidt said casually, shrugging his shoulders like it wasn’t anything important. “You know how Jess gets when she has too much on her mind, and it’s just been bad timing since we all sort of left right after the wedding. She’s just...dealing with some stuff.” Schmidt finished unconvincingly.

“Well then why didn’t she say anything to me?” Nick asked sourly. “She didn’t talk to me for two months and she still won’t say anything to me!”

Nick sat down on the table, running his hand over his face. By this point both Schmidt and Winston figured out that Nick wasn’t  _ really _ mad at them, and that really all of this was about Jess. Schmidt, willing to forgive Nick for a lot of things, turned serious for a minute and soberly asked, “Why didn’t you talk to  _ her _ ? Your best friend had just broken up with her boyfriend the day before and the next day you said ‘See ya!’ and left with your beautiful girlfriend to go away for two months and you didn’t even talk to Jess once.”

Nick opened his mouth to reply but shut it again, new thoughts racing through his mind. He thought back to everything that happened around the wedding and realized, in shock, that what Schmidt was saying was true. He  had left his best friend right when she needed him.

_ But she told me to go!  _ he thought anxiously in his head. 

Schmidt and Winston, seeing the look of realization on Nick’s face, both hoped that Nick would finally come around to his senses and see what was  _ really _ going on. They both got off the couch and started to make their way to their respective rooms; Winston stopping to put a hand on Nick’s shoulder and saying “You need to talk to her.”

......

For the first time, ever, since moving into the loft, Jessica Day entertained serious thoughts about moving out.

The revelation the night before that Nick had broken up with Reagan while he was in New Orleans sent a shock through her system that Jess didn’t know how to handle. She had long ago resigned herself to the fact that Nick would never feel the same way about her again, but up until this point it had almost hurt a bit  less because she could then just blame Nick’s unavailability on a beautiful, successful girlfriend. Jess didn’t know if she could handle Nick bringing new trysts back to the loft anymore now that he was single, and she seriously wondered if moving out might be the right thing to do.

On the other side of things, Jess knew that she would never be able to cut him out of her life completely. She needed him too much, like oxygen, and a life without Nicholas Miller was a life she didn’t want to even speculate about. She missed her best friend and some days it felt like someone was shoving a red hot poker into her chest. Of course she had Cece, and always would, but the role that Nick played in her life was complex and deep and intimate.

Jess wanted him back in her life, and she knew that in the end she would settle for whatever that way happened to be. Some of the countless classes and workshops that she had signed up for over the summer to distract herself were starting to end now with the imminent arrival of the new school year, and Jess knew that she couldn’t keep avoiding Nick forever especially now that he had moved back into the loft. She wanted to look at this like a new start, leaving behind their history and everything that had happened up until this point and starting over with a clean slate.

But her heart still felt like it was going to explode every time she saw him, and she first needed a way to learn how to be in the same room with him again before they could build back their friendship to what it had been before. Jess never stuck around long enough to give Nick a chance to ask her what was going on, and she knew that she now was going to have to come up with a solution to simply  _ be _ with him again. She had already apologized to her friends for her strange behavior and avoidance over the summer (which Schmidt and Winston quickly dismissed, because  _ duh _ , they already knew what was really going on), and if Jess was going to start hanging out with them again she knew that it also meant that Nick would be there, too.

Things felt too  _ dangerous _ when they were in too close of a proximity, and Jess fell back to what she had used a long time ago when she was first starting to fight her feelings for Nick -- middle school dance rules. So, no full body hugs, no sitting next to each other, and a minimum of three feet between them at all times. Jess did it before, and she could do it again - right?


	10. Nothing Will Ever Be the Same

Nick stood in the hallway outside the door to apartment 4D and fumbled around in his pocket looking for his keys. He was tired, he was worn down, and he frankly didn’t give a damn about a whole lot anymore. He’d had another bad shift, he still didn’t know how to talk to Jess, and this was not the homecoming that he had imagined when he broke up with Reagan and moved back to LA to be with Jess.

_Well, can’t be with someone who’s never here._

Nick finally fished his keys out of his pocket but fumbled them and they dropped to the floor. He cursed silently under his breath as he bent down to pick them up. _Why can’t I ever catch a break?_ He shoved his key into the door a little more forcefully than he meant to and the door swung open so fast he had to catch it from slamming into the wall and waking up the occupants inside.

Quietly closing the door behind him and dropping his keys into the bowl (something Jess finally got him in the habit of doing), Nick finally noticed that all the lights in the apartment were off and the loft was lit only by the moonlight streaming in through the windows. He paused and heard a sound he couldn’t recognize - was it an animal? _Did Winston leave the windows open again??_

Feeling like he was trapped in a haunted house, still scarred from the memory of the last time he entered one, Nick began to blindly swing his hand around until he found a light switch to turn on. Once he did he looked around frantically, looking for the source of the noise and readying himself to fight whatever creature loomed in the darkness.

But he didn’t see anything. 

Feeling his adrenaline start to come down, Nick looked around the apartment and decided he must be hearing something outside. _Do raccoons climb apartment buildings?_ Taking a breath, he turned around to reach for the lamp when he finally saw the source of the noise. Nick froze, trying to process what he was seeing.

It was Jess.

She was sitting haphazardly on the floor by the tv, her back to the wall, tears coming down her face, and sounded like she was gasping for air. She had one hand on her stomach, and one hand curled into a fist that she rhythmically knocked on her chest as if she was trying to dislodge something that was stuck. Nick’s imagination flew into overdrive as he thought of every worst case scenario, and raced over to where Jess was sitting on the floor and threw himself down on the floor by her.

“Jess! Jess! Are you ok? Should I call an ambulance? What’s wrong? Let me help you!”

But Jess, realizing that Nick was back and kneeling in front of her, reacted as one might expect a caged animal to act when backed into a cage with nowhere to go. Her eyes went big as she continued to try and suck in air and use her legs to scoot herself across the floor and away from Nick. 

Nick was beyond desperate to know what was wrong, and his desperation turned almost primal as if he feared he would somehow lose her in this moment. He tried pushing himself closer to her, a hand out to touch her, but Jess backed up again and waved a hand in Nick’s direction almost as if she was dismissing him.

“Nick.” she coughed out. “I’m fine...please...just go.”

But Nick didn’t believe her for a second. “But Jess, you can’t breathe!” he pleaded with her.

“Please, Nick...please just go.” she whispered out, her breathing coming on faster now.

Nick wanted to scream; he already lost her once, and he refused to let it happen again. He sat there, stunned, trying in vain to figure out what to do. Jess seemed to worsen each time he crept closer to her, and her breathing sounded more like a high pitched wheeze. Nick’s alarm grew even greater as he watched her start to wring her hands, and then suddenly realized that she was hyperventilating. And then it hit him like a ton of bricks.

_She’s having a panic attack._

He sat back as the realization sunk in. He’d seen panic attacks before. His mom used to get them frequently when Nick was young, and he remembered the almost manic look in her eyes as her breathing sped up and she tried to regain control of her body. Even then, when she had an attack, he learned to wrap his arms around her and almost bundle her, holding on tight until the moment passed and he felt the relief coursing through her body when it was over. Over the years he had even occasionally hung on pretty tight to some of the men in his life, never openly acknowledging the reality of the situation until it was over and he merely said, “You good, bro?”

Nick looked back at Jess, now fully seeing all the tell-tale signs of what was happening to her. She had backed herself up to the couch and sat there trying to take a breath in. “Jess,” he said gently, getting up to move beside her and grabbing onto her arm so she wouldn’t back away from him again. “Jess, you’re ok. It’s ok. You’re having a panic attack. Jess, look into my eyes and breathe with me, ok?”

He sat in front of her and firmly grasped her shoulders, softly repeating her name over and over. She tried to turn her face away from him as if she couldn’t bear to see him looking back at her, and Nick sadly realized that she was embarrassed - that’s why she kept asking him to leave. He took one hand and gently held her chin, forcing her to meet his gaze and letting her tears drip down her face and onto his fingers.

“Big, deep breath in now.” he said firmly, happy to see Jess nod her head in acknowledgement. “In…” Nick chirped, as he took in a big breath of his own. “Now out.” he finished, trying to get her to match her breathing with his. Her breathing soon slowed, but the panicked look in her eyes still remained.

And then Nick did the only thing he could think of. He reached forward and put his arms around her and pulled her to him. Jess struggled at first, not understanding what was going on and still wanting to be free from the embarrassment that flooded through her. Nick frowned sadly as he felt her stiffen against his touch, wondering where everything had gone so incredibly wrong between them. 

But then he felt her start to relax, and she no longer strained against him as if trying to escape his embrace. She melted into him, allowing herself to bury her face into his shoulder and hesitantly brought her arms to wrap around the small of his back. Nick, fearful of going too far but simultaneously not caring enough anymore, dropped a hand to the small of her back and began to rub soft circles at the base of her spine the way she always liked him to before. She had made him promise, once, that he was only allowed to rub _her_ back like that, and oddly enough Nick had kept to that promise not once touching another woman the way he had held her.

They stayed like that for a while, Nick too afraid to move even one muscle for fear that it would somehow shatter this moment between them. His shirt felt wet and he knew she had cried against him but he continued to just hold her, letting his face dip down and burrow into her hair. Jess smelled like apples and softness, cooing into his chest as he continued to hold her and rub circles on her back. 

Nick felt her breathing deepen, and soon realized that she had fallen asleep in his arms, her arms still wrapped around him. “Jess?” he whispered softly, bringing up a hand to brush away a few curls that had fallen in her eyes. “I’m going to pick you up and carry you to bed now, ok?” He felt her nod into his chest, and readjusted his arms to hook one under her knees and slowly stood up. 

Cradling her against his chest, Nick slowly carried Jess across the living room and to her bed. She had left some sort of scrapbooking project strewn across her bedspread, and stooping slightly to brush everything towards the foot of the bed he pulled back the sheets and carefully laid her down. Pulling the sheets back up over her shoulders, Nick paused a second and let his gaze linger on Jess’s sleeping figure. His insides lurched as feelings that had been bubbling up for weeks now surged coursed through his body, but he tried to push them down as he forced himself to remember how much Jess had tried to avoid his company lately. 

His exhaustion, returning in full force now, finally pulled him away from Jess’s side. “Good night, Day.” he whispered, and turning to go his gaze landed on the scrapbook materials that he had pushed down to the foot of the bed. Curious, he bent down to look at the pictures and papers now strewn across the bedspread. He picked one up and brought it closer to his face so he could see it clearly in the moonlight, and his breath caught as he saw what it was.

It was a picture of him and Jess from some party he could no longer remember, and saw how the photographer had caught the exact moment when Jess was caught looking at him lovingly when she didn’t think he or the photographer would notice. Nick picked up a few more from the bed, and they were all the same -- pictures of the two of them from trips, from the holidays, of just being out with their friends. There were ticket stubs, concert programs, and little memorabilia from their time together. He looked back over at the sleeping form of Jessica Day and felt a rush of emotions. _She saved...everything?_

Now lost in a mire of his own thoughts, Nick quietly left the room and closed the door behind him. He wasn’t quite sure what had happened tonight, but he knew that things would never be the same now.


	11. Aftermath pt. 1

Jess awoke unbidden as the bright rays of late morning sunlight streamed through her window and landed on her pillow. She moaned and went to turn her head, but instead felt a jolt of pain shoot up her neck and into her head where she was now nursing quite a headache. As she rubbed her eyes and tried to get her bearings, the events of the previous night began to return to her and she moaned as she pressed her fists into her eyes - she remembered everything. Jess felt her face and neck flush as the embarrassment broke through the flood gates and overwhelmed her with shame and realization that Nick had happened upon her in the midst of a full blown panic attack.

The night had started off innocuously enough; Jess had taken advantage of the empty loft on a Friday night to relax on the couch with a glass of wine and spend some time out of her bedroom where most of her overthinking happened. She flopped on the couch and turned on one of her favorite movies hoping the familiar story would give her a much needed break from her own thoughts for an hour or two, but about an hour later she found her mind wandering and Jess knew it was time to cut her losses and head to bed.

As Jess rummaged around her closet and pulled out a fresh pair of pajamas, a small box dislodged and tumbled out into her hands. She held the box in her hands and sucked a breath, staring at it.

It was her ‘Nick’ box.

Even though it had been two years since they broke up, she absolutely refused to part with the photos and mementos and everything that reminded her of him. They’d always had a special relationship, dating or not, and Jess believed that this box was an extension of that. She knew in hindsight that she should have put it back and let the past be, but after everything that had happened lately (plus one healthy glass of wine) she gave in and went to sit on her bed.

Jess should have put it back after the first picture she took out of the box, but the memories started to overwhelm her and the fear of losing Nick began to drown her. How could she pretend to be ok every time Nick brought home a new girl? How could she be around him now that he was single? It would almost be worse now, knowing he was single and  _ choosing _ not to give their relationship a second chance. 

She knew what was about to happen before she even began to feel it, and she threw the box down on her bed and sprinted out of her bedroom needing to get away from the memories, the feelings, and the  _ love. _ Jess didn’t know how to exist without Nick, and knowing that she needed to let him go was more than she could bear right now.

She sat on the floor, knees pulled to her chest and her breaths becoming shorter and more shallow. Jess felt the anxiety ripple through her body and suddenly felt claustrophobic caught on the floor between the couch and the table. She wheezed as she scrambled to the wall, grasping her chest and feeling the tears finally start running down her face. In the midst of struggling to breathe she thanked the stars that she was the only one home, having managed somehow to never let the guys know what she was going through. 

Jess hiccupped as she tried to control her breathing, and then her worst case scenario came to be. She heard the door open and held her breath, trying not to give away her presence, but she heard someone fumbling around for the lights and eventually the lamp lit up her shame.

Nick.

_ No. No, no, no. _

“Jess! Jess! Are you ok? Should I call an ambulance? What’s wrong? Let me help you!”

......

In the morning, Nick sat at the table with a fresh mug of coffee and an open laptop, going over and editing some of the pages of his novel. He’d barely gotten any sleep, and by the time the sun started to rise he decided just to get up. Nick knew that he needed to take a second look at the pages he had written while in New Orleans before he could think about turning them into an actual book, and he was desperate for an opportunity not to linger on his thoughts about Jess.

He was at a complete and utter loss about Jess. She still hadn’t had a real conversation with him since he came back, and with last night’s panic attack he was even more confused.  _ Was she upset because she was...looking at pictures of ‘us’? Does she even want me in her life anymore? Why won’t she talk to me?? _

His concentration was broken as he heard the sound of Jess’s door opening. Nick wasn’t quite sure how to handle seeing Jess after the events of last night -- would she still be embarrassed? Would she try to avoid him? Should he just pretend like nothing had happened? He doubled down on staring at his computer screen determined not to give her a reason to bolt as soon as she saw him sitting there.

Nick took a sip of coffee as he continued to type and focused on the chapter he was editing; ironically, it was a Jessica Night chapter. He chanced a glance towards the kitchen and saw Jess rummage through the cabinets looking for a mug presumably to make her customary cup of morning tea. Having found what she was looking for, she turned around and placed her mug and a tea bag on the kitchen island and started heating water. When it was finished and she went to pour her tea she looked up and saw Nick, realizing that he had been there the entire time and that she had just caught him looking at her.

“Hi, Nick.” she said softly.

“Hey, Day.” he replied, just as soft.

Jess stood there for a second longer, still making eye contact, before she turned and walked back to her bedroom and closed the door behind her.

_ Well, she at least acknowledged me, right? That’s gotta count for something. _


	12. Dinner

“Cece, I can’t do it. I can’t face him after last night.”

Jess sat on her bed with her cup of tea and did the first, and only, thing she knew what to do when she was this upset. Call Cece.

Jess, though still embarrassed about the events of the night before, quickly relayed the particulars to her friend and begged for advice. “Cece, what do I do? You should have seen the look of pity in his eyes...oh god, does he know? Did someone tell Nick? He has to know...the way he looked at me last night. Cece, why did it have to be Nick who found me last night? How can I ever have a normal conversation with him ever again??”

Cece listened patiently on the other side of the phone, and let Jess get everything out. Jess had only begun to tell Cece bits about her challenges with anxiety and panic attacks, and Cece wished that she could just make all of this go away for her friend. “Jess, you don’t know what. No one has told him anything. He’s your  _ best friend _ , he cares about you...you weren’t nearly this embarrassed the night you were high on pain pills and told Nick you wanted to sleep with him!”

Jess knew that Cece was right but this time felt worse because she could have sworn that Nick could see right through her in that moment, almost as if he could read all of the secrets she kept hidden deep down within her. “How can I even have a normal conversation with him ever again? Every time he sees me now he’s only going to think of walking in on me last night. He’s never going to look at me the same way again.”

While Cece felt for her friend, she was frustrated having to parrot back the same thing over and over again to Jess. “Jess, you need to talk to him. Why are you so set on believing that he doesn’t feel the same way?”

“I can’t talk to him, Cece.” Jess choked out. “He’s moved on and doesn’t want that kind of relationship anymore. We’re friends, we’ll always be friends, but I can’t go to him anymore like that. He doesn’t want that from me anymore.”

“Oh, Jess.” Cece said sadly. “You know that’s not true.”

“HE DOESN’T LOVE ME ANYMORE!” Jess shouted, completely forgetting that Nick was in the other room. She sighed, whispering, “It’s over Cece. I blew it, and I have to move on.”

With that, Jess took her phone off her ear and hung up. Why did Nick come back early -- she could have  _ done _ this! She set her phone down and rested her head on her knees, not knowing where she was supposed to go from here. Literally. It was Saturday and she knew Nick would be around the loft all day, and Jess knew she realistically couldn’t avoid him forever.

......

Nick’s head snapped up when he heard shouting coming from the direction of Jess’s room. He knew that there was currently no one else in the loft with them, so he wondered who she was shouting at (presumably) on the phone. Nick couldn’t quite get a read on Jess when she emerged from her room earlier, and he still didn’t know where her head was at with, well,  _ anything _ . He’s been home for over two weeks and they’d yet to have a conversation that lasted longer than three minutes.

And then, suddenly, Nick decided he had enough.

He pushed his chair back from the table and walked purposefully over to Jess’s room and looked at her closed door. He paused for only a second before he lifted his head and knocked briskly on the door. “Hey Jess, can I come in?”

A moment later a very confused Jess pulled the door open and stood there looking at Nick. “Hi Nick.” she said with a hint of befuddlement in her voice.

Nick felt his mouth go dry as he felt his heart flutter. He looked into her eyes and swallowed, determined to plow ahead. “Hey, let me know where we’re going for dinner tonight. I was thinking pizza but I’d be fine with that taco place, too.”

Before Jess had a chance to say no, Nick turned and walked back into the kitchen leaving her standing in the doorway.

_ Can’t avoid me now. _

......

Nick thanked his lucky stars that there was some sort of benevolent power out there in the universe that conspired to keep Schmidt and Winston out of the loft that evening. Nick didn’t know what had gotten into him that morning when he made the snap decision to more or less  _ inform _ Jess that they were going to have dinner tonight, but he didn’t spend too long thinking about it as he had somehow miraculously convinced her to sit down and share a meal with him.

Nick tried to keep his focus on  _ The Pepperwood Chronicles _ but soon realized that he wasn’t going to be able to concentrate on almost anything else for the rest of the day other than his upcoming dinner with Jess. He hadn’t had this kind of time with Jess in...well, he couldn’t remember how long. Before New Orleans there had been so much to do between the wedding and Reagan moving back...when had he stopped talking to her?

Jess had left at one point midafternoon and while Nick wondered if she was trying to avoid him, he breathed an inward sigh of relief when she ended up coming home a few hours later. Nowadays, when she was home, she spent all her free time in her bedroom instead of hanging out with everyone in the living room (well, at least when Nick was home). Their friendship had grown out of their first summer together after Jess moved in when she had been home on summer break and he had been working a string of night shifts. With Winston and Schmidt gone at work all day, it had left Jess and Nick alone together the majority of the time each week. And while at that point he still found her too perky and she still found him too grouchy, it was this time together that had brought them together in the first place and was the basis of their relationship.

They had built their own little routines, traditions, and inside jokes with each other, and while Jess adored Schmidt and Winston she would never have the kind of relationship with them that she had with Nick. They had all joked about it, of course, that Jess had chosen to attach herself to the grumpiest one of the three of them, but Schmidt and Winston would never admit that they found Jess and Nick’s friendship endearing.

Nick, now sitting in his bedroom hoping a change of scenery might help him through some writer’s block, looked at the time and saw it was 5:33pm. He’d avoided bringing up the subject of dinner since he brought it up earlier in the morning, but Nick knew the time was dwindling down and he was going to have to walk across the hall and talk to her. He felt a quick rush of sadness go through his body as he realized that he now had to work up the courage to ask his best friend what she wanted to eat for dinner.

But, soon regaining this morning’s cockiness and confidence, Nick pushed himself out of his chair and walked over to Jess’s closed bedroom door before he had a chance to overthink what he was about to do. He raised his hand and knocked briskly on the door, “Hey Jess, can I come in?”

Nick breathed a sigh of relief as Jess quickly answered “It’s open!” and let his hand fall to the door knob as he opened it and stepped inside. “Whatcha up to?” he asked as he saw Jess on her bed sorting through mounds of papers and notecards. “Lesson planning.” she replied matter of factly. “School starts in less than two weeks and I need to organize all my paperwork.”

Nick frowned, “Why aren’t you spreading out at the dining room table like you usually do? You don’t have enough room in here for all your stuff.”

Jess grew quiet for a moment as she looked away from Nick and shuffled some papers around in her hands. “You were already there working and I didn’t want to bother you.”

“Jess, come on!” Nick laughed. “Since when has that ever stopped you before? By the way, did you decide where you wanted to eat tonight?”

Jess looked up and gave Nick a smile that warmed his heart. “What about that Chinese place we used to go to all the time? For old time’s sake, you know.”

“Lead the way, my lady.” Nick said chivalrously as he bent over and swept his hand out, beckoning Jess. She giggled and got up and made her way to the loft door, and soon they were off to their first one-on-one time that they’d had in quite a long while.


	13. Aftermath pt. 1.5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You are all so kind with your comments. I was so nervous that no one would like this! <3

As Nick and Jess walked out the door and stood in front of the elevator, Nick couldn’t help but constantly steal glances at Jess, putting his metaphorical Julius Pepperwood cap on and looking for any clues to how she was feeling especially given the events the previous night. Jess looked slightly ill at ease and was exhibiting some of her trademark ‘I’m nervous’ tics. After fidgeting with her purse Jess chanced a glance up at Nick and he tried to give her as reassuring a smile as he could to ease the uncomfortableness he felt emanating from her. 

The elevator pinged and opened, and Nick ushered Jess inside before walking in himself and hitting the button for the first floor. He tried to think of a safe topic of conversation. “So, er, are you looking forward to school starting again?”

Jess gave him a warm smile and Nick knew it was genuine, and he gave her a goofy grin in return. “Yes! I’m so excited to see all the kids again. I thought of so many new lessons over the summer; I was a mean, lean lesson planning machine!” She punched the air and Nick felt so good seeing his “ole Jess” again. Not wanting to break the momentum, Nick stuck with the topic of school. “What kind of new lessons did you plan, and be honest -- how many of them involve yarn?”

Jess made a face and swatted at his arm in jest, and Nick felt like a million bucks as he relished the feeling of her touch again. This felt...normal. If teasing her was the way to get Jess to relax around him again he would have started weeks ago. 

The elevator reached the first floor and the door opened to the lobby, both stepping out and still joking about Jess’s crafts and her plans for the new school year. Nick held the door open for her as they walked out of the building and into the street and the warm evening air. Jess stopped and turned to look at Nick as if asking how they were going to get there, silently asking how they were going to get to the restaurant.

Nick, still riding the high of seeing Jess feel comfortable around him again, merely walked up to Jess and said “The restaurant’s this way.” and gently grabbed her hand to place in the crook of his arm as they started walking down the sidewalk. Nick silently cursed as he felt Jess stiffen when he touched her, and tried to think of a topic of conversation that wouldn’t derail the progress he had made with her tonight.

_ Think, Miller. Why can’t you think of something to talk about with your best friend? _

“So, errr, how was your summer? We haven’t had the chance to catch up yet since I came home.”

_ There ya go, Miller. Nice and simple and easy. _

But Nick knew immediately that he had made a very bad mistake as he saw Jess stumble slightly out the corner of his eye and her hand stiffened on his arm almost as if it was physically hurting her to touch him. They walked in silence for a moment, Nick desperately glancing over at Jess constantly trying to figure out what he said wrong.

“It was fine.” she said quickly and quietly. “Did you get a lot done on your novel today? Were you able to work through your writer’s block?”

Nick frowned, disappointed that Jess changed the subject instead of answering his question.  _ What the hell happened this summer while I was away??  _ He had felt like Jess had been warming up to him again, whatever awkwardness between them cooling between them now that he’d been back in the loft. He thought back to conversations with Winston and Schmidt; they had hinted at some  _ event _ , some occurrence that took place over the summer but neither would come out and tell Nick what happened. He had let it go initially, but the creeping sense of something very wrong with Jess began to cloud his head with a renewed fervor.

“I did!” he said, trying to force his voice to sound cheerier than what he currently felt. “I, uh, wrote a lot of Julius Pepperwood and Jessica Night today. I had been stumped trying to figure out how to reconcile the two of them, but I think I was able to work it out.”

“Oh!” Jess exclaimed, “What had happened between them?”

_ Damn it Miller, you should have kept your mouth shut. _

Nick scrambled mentally trying to figure out how much to tell her. “Well, Julius had been feeling pretty down and had gotten mixed up with this woman who wasn’t good for him at all because he was trying to convince himself that Jessica Night would never want him. But in the end, Julius finally realizes that it’s Jessica Night that he needs in his life and has to figure out how to make things right between them.” Nick paused, and then added, “She’s the most important person in his life.”

Pausing to cross a busy crosswalk, Nick and Jess made their way across the street and closer to the restaurant just down the block. Jess walked in silence for a few more steps ( _ but she hasn’t snatched her hand back yet! _ , before quietly asking, “How does Julius make things right?”

Nick took his free hand and rubbed his face and ran his fingers through his hair. “Well, actually that’s the part where I stopped. I haven’t figured it out yet. Every time I try to fix it, she still pulls away from him, and then Julius gets even more desperate trying to fix things between them. He misses her.”

They reached the restaurant, and Nick gently disentangled himself from Jess so as to open the door for her. She crossed her arms in front of her chest, as if suddenly cold, and wouldn’t make eye contact with him as she crossed the threshold and stepped inside.

......

Nick and Jess were soon shown to a table, and the current between them felt more relaxed as they both made a show of looking through the menu to decide what they wanted to eat. Of course, each already knew exactly what they were going to order, but it gave them something to do that didn’t require talking. 

Nick snuck a glance at Jess over the top of the menu he was holding. She seemed pale, and almost small, as if she had somehow shrunk during the time he was away. She put down her menu and looked up at him, startling slightly when she caught Nick looking at her. He gave her a soft smile and asked, “What did you decide on?”

He saw the corners of Jess’s mouth tilt as she smiled a small smile back in return. “The usual, of course. What about you?”.

“Same.” he said quickly. “It’s been a while since I’ve been here. Reagan and I came here a few weeks before the wedding but I haven’t been back since.”

He saw Jess’s face fall immediately, and wondered what he could have possibly said wrong this time.  _ She didn’t have a problem with Reagan, did she? I thought they had been friends. _ Jess studied the glass of water in her hand that the hostess had left at the table. For the first time since coming home, Nick began to grow frustrated. He had been so looking forward to  _ finally _ spending some time with her, but Jess was freezing him out everytime he tried to talk to her.

“Jess, what’s going on with you?” he finally spit out. “I can barely get you to talk about anything other than the weather anymore.”

Jess opened her mouth to reply, but was interrupted by the arrival of the waiter to take their order. After they ordered and the waiter left they both sat in silence, neither sure what to say to the other. Nick tried again, “Jess? What’s wrong? Why won’t you talk to me anymore? I know something is wrong. Did I do something?”

He watched Jess take a deep breath in and hold it, exhaling several seconds later. She looked up at him and plastered a fake smile on her face that Nick saw through immediately, his own turtle face matching how he currently felt. “Nothing’s wrong, Nick. It was just a busy summer lesson planning and helping Cece and Schmidt at the house. Ole Jess just doesn’t have quite the same stamina anymore!”

Nick frowned and looked down at his hands resting on the table. “Jess, why are you lying to me?” he asked sadly. “I know you. I know something’s wrong. Why won’t you talk to me? Did I do something to hurt you? Are you ok? What happened last night?”

Nick bit the inside of his cheek as soon as the words were out of his mouth, and he knew he pushed too far.

“Who’s ready for their meal?” the waiter chirped, appearing out of nowhere with their food.


	14. Stay

Jess looked down at her fried rice and pushed it around with her fork, occasionally taking a few bites and pretending that she was busy eating. They had been sitting there silently for the last ten minutes, each focusing their attention on the plates in front of them and trying to forget Nick’s impassioned outburst that was interrupted by the arrival of their waiter.

Jess knew she was being evasive and lying to Nick, but if she was honest with herself she just didn’t see how telling Nick the truth would make anything better -- hell, it would likely make it worse because then she would really know that he’d well and truly moved on from her. 

Her dinners with Nick used to be legendary - hours long meals filled with laughter, alcohol, and two people who thrived when they were in each other’s company. They had still continued to go out after they broke up, albeit not as frequently as before, but as soon as Jess returned from jury duty and Reagan had entered the picture the dinners became shorter and less frequent until they stopped happening at all.

Jess took a big sip of water and cleared her throat, looking across the table at Nick. “Are the crab rangoons still as good as they used to be?” she teased. Nicholas Miller could eat an entire meal of just crab rangoons, much like his love affair with dumplings, and he had actually never tried one before until Jess wheedled him into trying something new one of the times they were there.

Nick smiled at her, and Jess felt herself relax a little. “Uh, yeah!” he said enthusiastically, mouth full of food. She smiled at his adorable enthusiasm over something so simple as Chinese food, and looked down at her plate again as she continued taking small bites of her fried rice and stealing occasional glances up at Nick who would smile at her awkwardly every time he caught her looking at him.

Dinner continued awkwardly with long pauses and questions on topics like the weather and sports. Jess certainly wasn’t going to remind Nick about the flurry of intimate questions he had peppered her with earlier. Nick, too, seemed stuck in limbo wanting to know the answers to the questions that had been racing around his head for weeks and simultaneously afraid to bring them up again, especially in a public place.

All in all their dinner only lasted about an hour, and soon Jess was mumbling a quiet “thank you” to Nick as he paid for their dinners and they arose to leave. When they were out of the bustling restaurant and in the cool evening air they both seemed to relax as they were no longer trapped sitting at a table and were merely on their way home now.

They walked quietly for ten minutes, each not knowing how to break the uncomfortable silence between them. With it being dark outside, it was easier for Nick to observe Jess out of the corner of his vision and everything he saw merely confirmed all the fears that poured out of him at the table. She looked withdrawn and small, her gaze turned down towards the sidewalk as she walked beside him. He wanted to reach out and touch her, but he was afraid that she would bolt away leaving him standing there watching her go.

When Nick saw that they were fast approaching the apartment building, and Jess still hadn’t said a word to him the entire walk home, he reached out and grabbed her hand and intertwined his fingers with her own. He felt Jess’s hand tense, but she wouldn’t let her fingers relax around his and she held her hand so stiffly that Nick might as well have been holding the hand of a marble statue.

Nick squeezed her hand a few times, hoping to get some sort of reaction from Jess. She still didn’t say anything, but Nick was certain that she was finally starting to relax her hand and soon felt her fingers lightly rest atop his own, light as a feather. He squeezed her hand again, desperate to get some sort of reaction out of her.

“Jess.” he croaked, his voice strained with the pain that they both heard instantly. “Please talk to me. It hurts knowing something is wrong and you won’t tell me what it is. Nick cleared his throat and went for a different approach. “Besides, I thought you used to love telling me everything I did wrong, eh?”

He heard Jess give a quiet chuckle. “Nothing’s wrong, Nick.” she said simply. “Things have just changed, that’s all.”

“But  _ what _ changed, Jess?” he pleaded. “You’re my best friend and I can barely get you to even look me in the eye anymore, and it hurts. Please,  _ please _ tell me what’s going on. What don’t I know?”

Jess’s hand stiffened again, and Nick felt her trying to break his grasp. “Jess... _ please _ ? I’m begging you, please tell me what’s wrong. What did I do? Why won’t anyone tell me anything?”

They had reached the entrance to the building, and Nick stopped walking and yanked her hand so she spun around towards him. He reached for her other hand and held it firmly and pulled her closer to him. “Jess, I feel like I’ve lost my best friend. You won’t talk to me and you don’t want to spend any time with me. We both know that means that I did something, but I can’t fix it and I can’t make it right if you don’t tell me what you’re feeling.”

Jess finally met his gaze, and Nick didn’t know how to decipher the look in her eyes. He dropped his shoulders and looked her square in the eyes. “Or do you not want me in your life anymore and you just don’t know how to tell me?”

Jess squeezed her eyes close as if trying not to cry. “We’ll always be friends, Nick. I’ll be ok, I just need some time.”

She gave his hands a squeeze and withdrew her hands from his, turning away from Nick to walk into the building. He simply stood there, staring at her, and still felt no closer to understanding what was going on than he had been before. 

_ She ‘just needs some time’? For what? And how long will that be? _

Nick shook away the dread he felt and walked into the building and up to the fourth floor where his best friend lived across the hall from him but it felt like she was thousands of miles away.

......

Nick opened the apartment door quietly and stepped in, noticing that Jess had retreated to her room and closed the door behind her. He went straight to the fridge and grabbed a beer and collapsed on the couch, simply not knowing what to do anymore. He sat like that for a while, blankly staring at the wall, drinking his beer, and trying his damndest to numb himself. Nick squeezed his fists together and pushed them into his eyes, seeing visions of Jess from his memories. Why wasn’t she fighting for him like he was fighting for her?

He carried the empty beer bottle to the sink and turned to make his way to his bedroom, hoping the unconsciousness that sleep brought would dull the ache of everything he was feeling right now. As he turned to close his bedroom door he stood there and looked at Jess’s room. Should he apologize for being so blunt and forward earlier? Or maybe just a simple “I’m sorry”?

He began to close his door but stopped. He stepped out into the hallway and walked up to Jess’s door, clearly not thinking ahead as to what he would do once he stood there.  _ She’s probably asleep Miller, just leave it alone. _

Chiding himself for being so stupid, he turned to go to bed but paused a moment when he thought he heard a sound coming from Jess’s room. 

_ Is she awake? _

Nick put his ear towards the door to try and hear what she was doing. He listened for a moment and frowned; it sounded like she had the hiccups. But then he thought he heard something else. He listened again and heard what sounded like Jess wheezing for breath, and then he knew.

_ She’s having another panic attack. _

“Jess, are you ok? I’m coming in!” he said with no hesitation, opening the door and finding Jess sitting on her bed with her back to the wall. Wringing her hands and looking up at him, Nick clearly saw that he was the absolutely last person that Jessica Day wanted to see right now.

“Oh god, please Nick, no. Please go, I’m fine.” she choked out.

Without saying a word, he closed Jess’s bedroom door behind him and walked towards her. Jess tried to scoot away and pulled up the blankets as if trying to hide from him, but he simply sat down on the bed next to her. He felt his eyes start to water seeing Jess like this, and he did the only thing he could think of, same as he did last time.

He reached out and pulled her against his chest and just held her.

She struggled at first but eventually started to slow as she felt Nick’s hand at the small of her back rubbing small rhythmic circles. He didn’t say anything, he just sat and held her. Her panic attack might be easing, but Nick soon realized that Jess was sobbing into his chest. He bent his head down and placed a soft kiss in her hair, and tried to convince himself that Nicholas Miller was not about to cry. He felt so helpless, sitting there with the girl he loved crying in his arms but unwilling to tell him what was the matter. He pulled her even tighter, running his other hand through the curls of her hair and up and down her back.

Jess laid there in his arms and simply cried.

She cried because she regretted that she didn’t fight harder for their relationship all those years ago. She finally allowed herself to cry at how hurt she felt when Nick was dating Reagan and Jess felt like he was slipping out of her life. And she cried because one day she woke up and realized that she was still in love with her best friend. 

Nick simply held her. She didn’t need to say anything, or give him an explanation, or finally tell him what had been going on. He cradled her in his arms and dropped kisses on her head. He grabbed some of Jess’s pillows and wedged them behind his back and head and slid down a little, moving into a more comfortable position.

They laid there that way for a while, Jess letting months worth of hurt and emotions flow out of her and Nick simply just being there and letting her know that everything would be ok. When Jess’s breathing started to slow and Nick started to feel the pain of a stiff back from the way he was wedged against the wall, he gently squeezed her arm and softly asked, “Hey Day, how about we get you to bed?”

He went to try and swing his legs over the side and ease Jess under the covers, but she held on tightly and mumbled something into Nick’s shirt. “Jess, did you say something?” he asked quietly. She lifted her head off his chest and repeated what she said.

“Please don’t go. Please don’t leave me again.”

Nick was dumbstruck and didn’t know what to say. “I’ve never left you, Jess.” he said quietly. 

Jess shifted and burrowed herself under the covers, still holding tightly to Nick. “Please stay.” she whimpered.

Nick didn’t know if she was delirious from exhaustion and her panic attack, but he wasn’t about to question Jess and certainly not while she was still in this state. “I’m not leaving.” he said quietly he shifted his weight down and laid beside her in bed. As soon as he was settled Jess nestled herself into the crook of his arm, and Nick brought his hand up to her back and lazily ran his fingers up and down her back hoping it would relax her.

He felt Jess’s breathing slow as she fell asleep, and he laid there in the dark with his arms around the woman he loved until he, too, succumbed to sleep.


	15. Aftermath pt. 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so much for your lovely comments! I've had a rough last week and I haven't gotten around to replying to them all (and commenting on yours!) but please know I read them all <3

The first thing Jess noticed was the headache. She moved her head ever so slightly and immediately felt a burst of pain course through her skull. With her eyes still closed, Jess brought a hand up to her face and pressed her fingers against her forehead. Her face felt swollen and the pressure behind her eyes was painful. The grogginess from sleep started to leave her and she thought back to last night, starting when she remembered what exactly had happened. Jess opened her eyes and saw that Nick was beside her in bed, still asleep, and with his arm thrown over her protectively while his face rested against the top of her head.

Jess was immediately horrified and embarrassed by the situation she now found herself in, but stilled as she vaguely remembered pleading with Nick last night.

_ Please don’t leave me again. _

She felt her face begin to flush at the shame of what had happened, and especially the fact that she begged her EX boyfriend to spend the night in her bed. 

_ Oh my god, what have I done? _

Jess promptly began to try and disentangle herself from Nick’s arms, but Nick - still in the throws of sleep - only held onto her tighter and threw his leg over hers as he pulled her in tighter against his chest. “Stop fussing.” he grumbled, and soon fell back asleep.

She lifted her head off of Nick’s chest and was hit with a dizzy spell as the pressure inside her head intensified.  _ Damn all that crying! _ Jess groaned and let her head fall back, still tired and emotionally spent from her utter and complete breakdown last night. She was embarrassed, to be sure, but a small part of her felt a sense of relief that she was finally able to let months worth of hurt and emotions go. And boy did she let them  _ all _ out. 

As Jess laid there in Nick’s arms, feeling safe and warm and  _ home _ , she decided it wouldn’t  _ hurt _ to enjoy his embrace while it lasted as it was likely the last, and only, time she would be able to experience this post breakup. She nestled her cheek into him and closed her eyes, soon falling back asleep.

......

Nick awoke with a start and a jerk, not recognizing his surroundings and not remembering how he ended up there. 

_ What am I doing in Jess’s bed?? _

He rolled his head and saw...there was someone in bed with him, snuggled up close against his side.

_ SHIT. WHAT HAVE I DONE. _

He groaned loudly. Now, Jess would  _ never _ talk to him again. The figure at his side stirred and turned, and Nick’s eyes went wide with recognition.

He was in bed.

With Jess.

As he quickly began to remember how he ended up in her bed in the first place, Nick took the opportunity to just  _ look _ at her. He had forgotten how easily Jess had always fit up against his body and how he loved just to hold her while they slept. Not able to help himself, he began to lightly drag his finger up and down her arm, forgetting how soft her skin was and how much he loved waking up next to her every morning.

Nick saw Jess’s eyes start to flutter, and suddenly he realized that he had absolutely  _ no idea _ what would happen once she woke up. Would they pretend to ignore it like they did before? Would he try to play it casual? He barely had time to think, though, before Jess’s eyes opened and she looked into his eyes.

“Hi.” he said quietly.

Jess blinked and looked at him, and Nick was afraid that she’d realize where she was and bolt out of bed. But she didn’t look away, and she didn’t move, and simply said, “Hi.”

Nick smiled at her warmly. “Are you feeling ok?”

Jess momentarily closed her eyes again and replied, “Not really. I have an awful headache and my whole face feels swollen.”

Nick absentmindedly brought a hand up to brush away a few curls that had fallen in her face, and he noticed that Jess’s eyes widened slightly at the intimate gesture (nevermind the fact that she still had an arm draped over his chest and he had an arm protectively around the small of her back).

“Let me go get you some Tylenol.” he said quietly. “Stay here and just relax.”

It pained Nick to get out of bed and break the spell of the little cocoon they had wrapped around each other underneath the blankets, but he knew that the moment couldn’t last forever. Jess shifted and rolled to the side, freeing Nick to slip out from under the covers to get up and pad out of her bedroom on the hunt for a glass of water and some Tylenol to ease her headache. 

......

Jess pulled the covers over her chin and lay there trying to sort out the thoughts running through her head. A line had now been crossed in their post-New Orleans relationship, and she knew that she needed to talk to Nick. At the end of the day, no matter how much she was hurting, Nick was her best friend and one of the most important people in her life and Jess knew that she needed to talk to him. For real, this time.

Nick came back in a few minutes later and sat down on the bed. Jess pushed herself up into a sitting position, and Nick handed her a small glass of water and the two Tylenol he was palming in his hand. She smiled gratefully as she took them from Nick and promptly swallowed them as she drank the entire glass of water; all that crying must have dehydrated her last night.

“Do you want to keep resting and I can go make you some toast? How are you feeling?” he asked, trying to monitor the tone of his voice as he wondered if his passionate rapid fire questioning of Jess at dinner had been the impetus behind her panic attack.

“I’m ok, I think.” she answered. “The Tylenol should take away the worst of it.”

Nick ran a hand through his hair and down the back of his neck, but didn’t say anything. He looked over at Jess sitting next to him, and reached over to grab her hand.

“I’m really worried about you Jess.” he said so quietly that she almost didn’t hear him. “I didn’t ask the first time because I didn’t want to embarrass you, but are you ok? Please tell me.”

Nick was encouraged when Jess didn’t pull her hand away from his. Instead, she actually moved a bit closer to him and he felt her hand firmly grip his back, and he looked up and smiled at her.

“Nick,” she said softly with a sigh. “It’s been a really rough year for me, and I started getting anxiety attacks when I think too much about...things...that upset me, or worry me. It happens a lot mainly at night when I’m tired and start overthinking things and when I’m left alone with my thoughts. Everyone was so busy with their lives and... I spent a lot of time here alone with my thoughts, and it just started to... be too much.”

Nick squeezed her hand and tugged on it hoping Jess would turn and look at him. “Why didn’t you say anything?” he asked sadly. “Why didn’t you talk to me?”

Jess looked at him and tilted her head, a sad smile playing across her face. “Nick.” she whispered. “I couldn’t. You had Reagan.”

Nick started to feel agitated. “But Jess, you’re my best friend!” he exclaimed, feeling hurt. “You’ve always told me everything!”

“Nick.” she said dejectedly. “I had to let you be with Reagan.” She sighed and looked away. “I had to let you be happy.”

Nick opened his mouth to reply, but didn’t know what to say.

_ Is she upset that I went to New Orleans with Reagan? _

_ Is that....is that why she said ‘Please don’t leave me again?’ _

“Jess…” he began, but she cut in, “I think I’m going to lay down again for a while.”

“Ok, Jess, sure.” he said, standing up from the bed, pulling the covers further back so Jess could lay down.

She curled up on her side and Nick pulled the blankets back over her. He stooped down and placed a soft kiss on her head, and quietly walked out of her bedroom closing the door softly behind him.


	16. Fight or Flight

Jess spent the majority of the day in her room. At first Nick thought that she was avoiding him again, but she left her bedroom door cracked open and once or twice Nick walked by and popped his head in to check on her and saw her asleep. He knew it must not have been easy to open up about everything she had been struggling with, so he let her sleep and didn’t think too far into it.

He had been able to get the rough draft of two new Pepperwood chapters written, but he had struggled with his concentration all day as his mind was more focused on Jessica DAY than Jessica KNIGHT. Nick kept replaying this morning’s long awaited conversation in his head but instead of the relief he thought he would find, he only found more questions and more confusion. Jess had  _ pushed _ him towards Reagan; hell, sometimes he thought that the only reason that he and Reagan had worked at all to begin with was the fact that Jess was always there to play middle man.

He closed his eyes and slapped his cheeks, trying to knock some sense into himself. Sure, he and Jess had remained super close even after their breakup, but if he was honest with himself he started to remember little times where Jess seemed oddly more closed off to him, or would make an excuse as to why she couldn’t help him with something. Nick had been annoyed then, sure, but now when he thought more about it he wondered if - 

_ No. Don’t be an idiot, Miller. You blew it.  _

_ But what...what if? _

His train of thought was soon interrupted as Jess emerged from her room and made her way out into the living area. She had changed into a soft pair of lounge pants and one of her goofy teacher t-shirts that she loved making. “Hi.” she said as she made her way into the kitchen. “Do we have anything decent to eat?”

Nick immediately had the sense that she was more relaxed around him now and that something had fundamentally changed - for the better. “Not really.” he replied from his spot on the couch. “Schmidt hasn’t gone food shopping yet so all we have are some week old leftovers. Did you wanna order in tonight?”

“As long as you’re paying, Miller.” she quipped back playfully. “How about pizza?”

“Sounds perfect to me.” Nick replied with a smile. “Cheese and sausage ok with you?”

“Sure,” she replied with a smile. “You can’t go wrong with a classic.”

While Nick called in the order, Jess was busy in the kitchen making a cup of tea. Assuming that she would return to her room until the food came, he was surprised to see her walk over and sit on the opposite side of the couch and grab a blanket.

“Do you, uh, want to watch something?” Nick asked hesitantly.

“Sure,” she said, tucking her legs under her and relaxing into the couch. “What do you have in mind?

......

By the third episode of The Walking Dead Nick and Jess had finished the entire pizza and were lazily stretched out on the couch. As the night went on they had migrated closer to each, each sitting just a little bit closer every time one came back from getting more food or a much needed bathroom break. Before tonight Nick could barely get Jess to even be  _ in _ the loft at the same time as him, and today he not only  _ woke up _ in bed with her but shared pizza on the couch and sat within easy distance of each other while binge watching The Walking Dead. 

_ Not a bad day at all, if I do say so myself. _

Another episode ended and Nick yawned and stood to stretch his stiff legs. “You done already, Miller?” Jess teased.

“Never.” he replied with mock indignity, pretending to be seriously offended. Raising his arms over his head and yawning loudly, he looked down at Jess and then took a small step closer and sat down next to her. 

“Hey Jess?” he started. “We didn't get to finish talking this morning. I still want to know what’s going on in that head of yours. Jess...why did you tell me to go to New Orleans?”

Just as Jess was about to reply, they were both interrupted by the loud clanging of Nick’s phone. He wrestled it out of his pocket, and when he saw the caller id he gave a soft ‘damnit’.

“Gah, I have to take this one Jess, I’m sorry, it’s super important. Please just give me a few minutes?”

“Sure,” she said, readjusting the blanket on her lap and reaching for the remote. “But I’m starting a new episode whether you’re here or not Miller.”

“Thanks Jess, I mean it, I’ll be right back.” he rushed out as he took a few quick steps toward his room. Jess sat back on the couch for a moment, and then grabbed the remote to pause the tv. 

_ Might as well take a bathroom break, right? _

As she got up and started to walk, she heard Nick’s voice as he was on the phone.

“...and you got that restaurant reservation made, right Reagan? Everything else should be set and ready to go….alright, thanks again Reagan, I’ll see ya soon!”

Jess made a stark beeline towards her bedroom and quickly locked the door behind her, her back sliding down the door and tears already streaming down her face

... ...

Nick knocked on her door for half an hour before he finally gave up and realized that Jessica Day was  _ not _ going to open that door. He had no idea what the hell was going on -- he had just spent a nice day with Jess, got off the couch for two frickin seconds to take a phone call, and now Jess had locked herself in her room and wouldn’t answer. Nick exhaled loudly and smacked his cheeks trying to knock himself out of it. Eventually he turned and went to bed. 

_ Jess is tired. Or...maybe she doesn’t feel good. It’s fine, Miller. Stop overthinking this. _

It took him a while to fall asleep, ears attuned to the sounds of the loft in case Jess got up and left her room. She  _ did _ leave her room eventually, but Nick was asleep and didn’t hear her.

......

“Are you the criminals?! From the statistics?!” Schmidt roared loudly, trying to scare away any masked intruders. Cece groaned at her husband’s antics and rolled over, but as Schmidt got up to apparently now check the whole  _ house _ , she dragged herself out of bed and hoped she could quickly reassure Schmidt that he was just hearing things and that they needed to go back to sleep.

Until Cece heard a knock at the front door.

Schmidt gave a girlish shriek that would make even Jess proud, and Cece finally rolled her eyes and marched over to the door and opened it. She would crazy murder anyone who thought they could come here and wake her up.

_ Speaking of Jess... _

......

Nick had finally fallen asleep somewhere around 2:30am, and by the time he woke up it was already almost 11am. He lay there for a second, getting his bearings after being deeply asleep, and then remembered last night. Jess.

He threw his legs over the side of the bed and pushed himself up, blindly grabbing the first shirt he could get his hands on and throwing it over his head. Nick grabbed the door knob and opened the door, and his heart immediately fell when he saw Jess’s door open and Jessica Day clearly not there.

Nick swore quietly under his breath, damning his luck for never finally giving him a chance to sit down with Jess and just TALK. She was hiding something from him, he knew she was, and Nick thought he had been  _ thiiiiiis closssse _ to finally getting her to open up to him again and he had been thwarted.

Nick left to go to the bar for a few hours to get some paperwork taken care of, having mightily slacked off the past several days, but when he returned to the loft some time later Jess still wasn’t there.

_ She’s probably with Cece. Or on a craft run. She’ll be back. She LIVES here, Miller. _

But Jess did not come back.

After trying to wait up for her as long as he could, he finally relented to the fact that he couldn’t stay awake any longer and crawled into bed. Before turning his bedside lamp off, he grabbed his phone and shot Jess a quick text. She was always glued to that damn phone.

_ Hey Day, mayday, where were you all day? I missed ya. -Nick _

No answer.

......

_ Hey Jess, where do you keep that laundry stuff for your clothes when you get paint on them? Kevin ‘97 knocked his whole glass of whiskey on me and I can’t get the damn stain out. -Nick _

_ Hey Jess would you please call me back? I’ve got a funny story to tell you! -Nick _

_ Earth to Jessica Day, do we need to send out a rescue party to find you? Where have you been all weekend? -Nick _

_ Seriously Jess, I’m getting worried. Are you ok? -Nick _


	17. Realizations

_ You have 8 missed calls and 6 voicemails from Nick _

......

Nick felt like he was losing Jess all over again, and this time he didn’t know if he was going to be able to get her back. He was getting desperate, and he was getting manic. The longer Nick stayed in the loft the worse the feeling in the pit of his stomach got. Winston was off with Aly, and Schmidt and Cece didn’t live there anymore.

Nick tried sitting on the couch to relax but found himself fidgeting with his shirt, with the couch cushion, and anything within reach as he tried to fidget his way into some semblance of calmness. After a moment sitting there, trying to get a hold of himself, Nick knew that he couldn’t do this alone and he needed help finding Jess.

He jumped off the couch and strode purposefully to the front door, grabbing his keys and making quick work of the loft door before he was out and on his way. Nick didn’t even have the patience to wait for the elevator, yanking open the door to the stairway and descending the steps as fast as he could without falling flat on his face.

Once outside Nick thanked whatever deity ruled the streets of LA as his car was only parked a block over. He half walked, half jogged down the street until he spotted his car and quickly got inside and drove away. He weirdly thanked Schmidt for essentially using him as cheap labor when he and Cece were still renovating the house as Nick instinctively knew the way there. He quickly parked the car in the street and dashed up the steps to the front door, pounding his fist passionately on the door. “Schmidt? Are you home?”

Seconds later Nick jumped back as Schmidt ripped the door open with a confused look on his face and exclaimed, “Nicholas Miller, what in the world is going on?!”

Nick pushed past Schmidt and walked inside, pacing around the living room until Schmidt closed the front door and turned to look questioningly at Nick. “I need your help man.” Nick choked out. “Something’s wrong with Jess. She hasn’t been home in three days and she isn’t answering any of my calls or texts. Have you talked to her? Where’s Cece? Is Jess with Cece?”

Schmidt looked at Nick concerned. “Cece is at work. I have no idea where Jess is. Tell me again what the problem is?”

Nick sat down on the couch and put his head in his hands. “Things had been going so good with Jess.” Nick said. “She was talking to me again and wasn’t avoiding me. We sat and ate pizza and were watching tv, and then I got up to take a phone call and by the time I came she was gone.”

Schmidt stood there and stared at his best friend, trying to understand how dumb of a boy Nick could be. “Why are you so worked up over this?” Schmidt asked as he walked over and sat down in an arm chair across from Nick. “It’s Jess, she’s probably setting up her classroom or off doing god knows what. She’s probably coming home after you go to bed and gone in the morning before you wake up.”

Nick could not understand why Schmidt wasn’t taking this as seriously as he was. “But it’s been three days, Schmidt! Jess always texts back!” He pounded his fist into the couch cushion and growled.

Schmidt narrowed his eyes and glared at Nick.  _ Stupid boy _ . “Nick, it’s three days, it’s not the end of the world. You can go three days without talking to Jess.”

“No, Schmidt, I can’t!” Nick shouted with a hitch in his voice that Schmidt didn’t fail to notice.

Schmidt began to lose his patience with Nick. Forget Nick being a dumb boy, now he was just plain being an idiot. “Uh, Nick.” Schmidt barked at him, sarcasm dripping from every word he said. “You went to New Orleans and didn’t talk to Jess for  _ two months _ .”

Nick rubbed both hands over his face and gave Schmidt the turtle face to end all turtle faces. “What do you mean two months, Schmidt?”

Schmidt sighed. He knew Nick wasn’t purposely being this obtuse. “Nick.” he said simply. “You  _ left _ and went to New Orleans for two months. Eight weeks! And you never called or texted Jess even  _ once _ . What’s changed?”

Nick’s jaw dropped slightly, and Schmidt knew that Nick realized he was right. Nick stared at the floor and didn’t know what to say.  _ Did I really not talk to Jess for two months?  _ Schmidt could see the gears and wheels turning in Nick’s head, and he hoped his friend would put two and two together and figure it out. “Look, Nick.” Schmidt fibbed. “Maybe she lost her phone or there’s something wrong with yours - which we both know is a likely possibility.”

Nick looked up at Schmidt, but Schmidt couldn’t decipher the look in his eyes. “Two months? Did I really not talk to her for two months?”

Schmidt rolled his eyes. “Yes, Nick.” he said petulantly. “You didn’t talk to  _ any _ of us for two months. Frankly, I don’t blame her for giving you the silent treatment.”

“Wait, what? Why would she be giving me the silent treatment?”

Nick had wondered, once, for about six seconds if Jess was mad at him for going to New Orleans, but soon dismissed the thought as he had told himself that it was Jess who told him to  _ go _ . He suddenly remembered Cece being snarky with him when he had first come back, but brushed it off as Cece just being Cece.

Schmidt stood and beckoned Nick towards the front door. “I don’t know, Nick!” he said theatrically. “You’ve gotta talk to Jess.”

“But she won’t talk to me! What am I supposed to do?” Nick asked desperately.

As much as Schmidt wanted to lay everything out for Nick, he knew that a) Nick needed to figure this out for himself, and b) Cece would crazy murder him, and Jess would probably help her.

“Go home, Nick.” Schmidt said as he opened the front door. “Go home and wait for Jess to come back.”

Nick wanted to argue but decided against it, shoving his hands into his pockets and grumbling “Thanks Schmidt” as he walked out the door and Schmidt closed it behind him.

Schmidt watched Nick get in his car and drive away before he turned around. He walked through the living room and the kitchen and into the bedroom, shooting Cece and Jess a relieved look at being able to conceal their presence while Nick sat in the living room.

Cece sat with Jess on their bed, an arm around her friend as Jess hung her head and held wadded tissues in both hands. “Tell me again what dumb thing Nick did this time?”

Jess looked up at Schmidt with a defeated and broken look on her face, and even Schmidt couldn’t help but feel bad for her. 

“Reagan called. Nick thanked her for making a dinner reservation.”

Schmidt shook his head and refused to believe it. “Nick broke up with  _ her _ , so why would he be talking to her again? It doesn’t make sense. He wanted it to end.”

Jess started to sniffle again and held a tissue up to her eyes. “Because he probably realized he made a stupid mistake and let his beautiful ex-girlfriend and their perfect relationship go.”

Cece was having a hard time believing Jess as well. “But it doesn’t make sense, babe. Their relationship was  _ far _ from perfect, believe me, you just couldn’t see it because you were trying to fight your feelings for him.”

“No.” Jess said miserably. “Nick’s changed. He’s an author now, and successful, and he wants to date beautiful, successful women. He would never date someone like Jess the Mess anymore.” She blew her nose loudly and turned to look at Cece. “Can I please stay here tonight?” she begged.

Without even giving Schmidt the courtesy of a glance, Cece nodded and pulled her friend into a tight squeeze. “Of course you can, babe. Let’s get you something to eat and then we’ll grab some blankets so you’ll be comfortable on the couch.”


	18. Dumbest Boy in School

Jessica Day always loved preparing for the new school year. She loved making new nametags, and bulletin boards, and planning projects and field trips. The only thing she loved  _ more _ than that was the first day of school itself. Especially this year.

She hadn’t forgotten how to schedule herself a schedule so tight that she was putting in nearly the same fourteen hour days that she had concocted for herself over the summer in an attempt to not only stop thinking about Nick but avoiding him as well. And nothing gave Jess more pleasure than throwing herself into her school work.

School started four days ago and already Jess was back to leaving the loft before anyone else was up and not returning home until everyone was already in bed. These days she constantly berated herself for letting her guard down with Nick over the summer and letting herself get too close to him, and this time around she wasn’t going to make the same mistakes.

After spending the night at Cece’s, Jess knew that realistically she had to go home and back to the loft. She left Cece and Schmidt that morning after breakfast with a small wave and a sad smile as she left Jaipur Aviv and made her way back into the real world. However, that doesn’t mean that she went immediately home and she instead made a tour around the town killing time before finally going back to the loft.

Jess was glad Nick was at the bar by the time she walked into 4D. Their schedules were almost perfectly suited to avoiding each other -- Nick was still sleeping when Jess got up and left for the day, and Nick was still at the bar by the time she finally came home at night. Frankly, she thought it was the perfect arrangement but the hurt she felt was different now than the hurt she felt when he was in New Orleans.

While clubs, sports, and other activities still didn’t start at school for another week, Jess took full advantage of giving the kids enough homework that she had no choice but to stay late and grade. She used to grade anywhere she could sit down and spread out in the loft; in her room, on the couch, in Nick’s room, and even once the bathroom. She would put on a comfy pair of pajamas and make a mug of tea and sit down with her favorite red pen to grade.

In the week leading up to the beginning of the school year, an email had been sent to all the teachers asking for volunteers to pick up various student clubs and sports due to teacher turnover. Jess had  _ very _ enthusiastically picked up yearbook, theater, and knitting. Between the three clubs and grading that needed to be done she had virtually scheduled herself from six in the morning until eight at night, both times aligned perfectly to mirror the opposite of Nick’s bar schedule. She was exhausted, sure, but she didn’t know any other way to cope with her feelings for Nick

......

_ Sorry Nick, no time to talk right now. Off to my next class. -Jess _

......

Nick threw his phone into the pillows of his bed and swore under his breath. He had been desperately trying to reach Jess and he got the same response each time -- ‘don’t have time to talk’, ‘too busy’, etc. It was an improvement, at least, over the radio silence he received those first days after she left, but it only increased his frustration because he knew she was reading his texts and  _ choosing _ not to talk to him.

Nick still wasn’t quite sure what had happened, and he lost track of how many times he replayed the events of that night over and over in his head hopelessly trying to figure out what he did wrong. Before he used to get frustrated when the girls he casually dated acted like they were mad at him but refused to tell him why, and Nick usually didn’t care enough to try and find out . But this time was different, and he knew that there was so much more at stake this time.

Winston, Schmidt, and Cece all acted like everything was fine and that Jess casually  _ running away _ was nothing to be worried about. Nick felt like they were hiding something from him again, and at this point he embraced the paranoia he felt when he walked into a room and heard them whispering about Jess. They knew what was going on, and they purposely weren’t telling him.

One night, on one of Nick’s rare evenings off of work, everyone planned to meet at the loft for pizzas and movies and no one seemed surprised when Jess didn’t show up. As they were standing around the kitchen island shoving their hands into the pizza box to get the coveted end pieces, Nick tried to sound as casual as he could and asked, “So, uh, what time will Jess be coming home tonight? Should we save her some pizza?”

Neither of the guys reacted to Nick’s very obvious mention of Jess, but Cece, after no one else spoke up, merely said, “No, Jess will be home late tonight. After yearbook club she’s got some pop quizzes to grade and a little lesson planning to do.”

Without being able to help himself, Nick petulantly exclaimed, “But she can do that at home! Why is she suddenly staying so late at school every day?”

Winston and Schmidt quickly moved away from the kitchen and towards the couch to avoid having to answer Nick’s question, and Cece was afraid that if she looked Nick in the eye he’d automatically know that she was lying to him. “There’s less...distractions, at school and Jess feels like she can concentrate better there. You know how she likes to create an ambiance while she works on school stuff.”

Nick snorted, unconvinced, and grumbled, “If by  _ ambiance _ you mean pajamas and a cup of tea, I don’t see why she can’t do that here.”

“I don’t know, Nick.” Cece said a bit harsher than she meant to. “Why don’t you ask Jess?”

“BUT I HAVE! And she won’t talk to me!” he yelled in frustration, earning himself startled looks from Winston and Schmidt.

Cece loved Nick, she really did, but was fed up with him tonight. “I don’t know Nick, apologize for whatever you did and I’m sure everything will go back to normal.” She left Nick standing in the kitchen and walked over to the couch to join the others.

Before Schmidt could pick up the remote to turn the tv on to drown out the sound of Nick’s whining, Nick hurried over to the couch and refused to let the issue go. “But I didn’t do anything wrong!” he yelled. 

“Dude, settle down Nick.” Winston said placatingly. “Go back over the basics, what happened that night?”

They were all curious to hear what Nick had to say as all three had spoken to Jess and had a fairly good idea of what might have happened. Leave it to Nick to be so oblivious.

“Nothing happened! We were sitting on the couch, we ate dinner, we watched tv, and then we took a ten minute break when Reagan called.” Nick recited, ticking off his fingers one by one.

They all looked at him dumbfoundedly, instantly knowing what the problem was. Cece held Schmidt’s forearm in a vice grip to warn him from speaking up as she turned to Nick and sarcastically said, “I’m sure you’ll figure it out Nick.”

And with that Cece picked up the remote herself and turned the tv on, willing herself not to lean over and smack some sense into Nicholas Miller.

......

Later that night after they said their goodbyes and Schmidt and Cece made their way to the elevator, they both shot incredulous faces at each other over Nick’s earlier conversation. “He even  _ admitted _ he spoke to Reagan! I knew Nick was the dumbest boy in school, but even I didn’t think he was  _ this _ dumb.”

Stepping into the elevator and pushing the button for the first floor, Cece contemplated the evening and tried to make sense of it. “When Jess first said ‘Reagan’ I was convinced she misheard something along the way, but now that Nick has all but confirmed it I don’t know what to make of it.”

Stepping out of the elevator and into the lobby Schmidt replied, “If it’s true then I can hardly blame Jess for running out. How does Nick not look at Jess and see what’s glaringly obvious?!”

Holding the door open for Cece, they walked into the cool night air and started their trek a few blocks over to their car. “We have to be missing something.” Cece said determinedly. “There has to be some piece of information that’s missing and could explain the whole thing.”

“Yeah, but  _ Reagan? _ ” Schmidt spit out. “That part seems pretty straightforward to me.”

“I know, I know.” Cece said, waving her hand and dismissing it. “But Nick broke up with  _ her _ , why would he start talking to her again all these weeks later?”

“Who knows what goes on in Nicholas’s head, Cecelia.” Schmidt scoffed. “But I certainly didn’t expect him to blow it with Jess  _ again _ , not after how much it destroyed him last time. And especially not now that Jess was single again.”

Reaching their car and pulling the doors open to step inside, Cece had a thought. “Babe, you’ve gotta talk to him. Go have some drinks with Nick tomorrow and see if you can get him the information out of him. This involves both of our best friends and the more that they’re miserable, the more miserable we’ll be as well.”

“Fine.” Schmidt said resignedly. “I’m running out of ideas anyway, and maybe this will work.”


	19. Connect the Dots pt. 1

Jess didn’t want to admit it, but she was exhausted. She didn’t know how she managed to maintain the frantic pace and schedule she gave herself over the summer because now it was just plain kicking her butt. Jess assumed the initial adrenaline that had launched her into the endeavor in the first place was no longer sustainable as Nick had now been home for two months and the pain of his relationship with Reagan was no longer there.

Jess took advantage of a rare Friday night to lounge on the couch as she knew Nick would be at the bar, Winston would be with Aly after his shift, and Schmidt and Cece were having date night. While she was trying to make more of an effort to hang out in the living area with everyone that generally only occurred on days when Jess knew for sure Nick wouldn’t be home.

Tonight she simply felt drained and exhausted, her thoughts catching up to her as she had repressed them all week with a mixture of long hours at school and any activity she could think of that would keep her out of the loft and away from Nick. The sting of Nick’s, well,  _ betrayal _ , by calling Reagan hurt more than Jess cared to admit and made her feel so incredibly foolish for believing that Nick possibly still reciprocated those feelings she was still internally battling.

Even though it was still early evening, Jess had already changed into pajamas and buried herself on the couch with a blanket and hot cup of tea. She hadn’t even turned the tv on knowing that she’d likely not pay attention to it anyway, and instead relished in the silence of the loft after spending long hours in a noisy school environment all week.

Jess had just lifted her mug to take a sip of tea when she heard a key jiggling in the front door. She put her mug down and froze, ready to pretend she was asleep depending on who might be on the other side of the door. Jess relaxed, though, as she heard Winston cursing on the other side of the door as he tried in vain to unlock it. 

Finally managing to get the door open, Winston threw the door open and grumbled his way inside and threw his keys down on the table. Jess couldn’t help but laugh. “Is the door being mean to you again, Winston?” she asked with a chuckle.

Winston looked over at Jess and shook his head. “Nah, that door ain’t got nothing on me. Someone just needs to put it in its place, that’s all.”

Jess smiled and picked up her mug, settling down into the couch again knowing that Nick was still blessedly at the bar and nowhere near apartment 4D. Winston, who hadn’t seen much of Jess since she returned to school a few weeks ago, was surprised to not only find her home but to see her openly spending time in the living area and not in her bedroom like she was wont to do.

Winston walked over to the couch and slumped down into the cushions, exhaling a sigh and momentarily closing his eyes. When he opened them he looked over at Jess, a kind look on his face, and asked, “Jessica Damn Day, the world must be ending if you’re sitting out here like a normal human being and not holed away in your bedroom avoiding your friends again.”

“I’m not avoiding you guys.” Jess said unconvincingly. “I’ve just been busy with school.”

Winston cocked an eyebrow at her, not believing it for a second. “Uh huh, sure. You’re at least avoiding one of us though, and I wonder who that might be.”

Jess didn’t answer and instead brought her mug up to her face, obscuring her facial expressions. Winston knew that her silence told him everything that he needed to know, and not unkindly he asked, “But why, Jess?”

Over the past two months Winston had largely tried not to overly pester Jess about whatever she was going through, but sitting now on the couch and looking at her he grew desperate to know what was eating away at his friend. “C’mon, Jess.” he said quietly. “You know I’m right. Why did you start avoiding him again? It looked like you two had started being friends again.”

Jess huffed and stared at a spot on the floor, either unwilling to answer his question or simply not knowing what to say. She knew it wasn’t fair to Winston and Schmidt to punish them because of something Nick did, but she just didn’t know how to separate the two. She looked over at Winston and saw him looking at her expectantly, and she knew he would sit there until she gave him  _ some _ sort of answer.

Winston raised an eyebrow at her, silently telling her ‘I’m waiting’. Jess crossed her arms over her chest and huffed again, feeling stuck and not knowing how to get herself out of the situation. 

“I just…” she began, tears forming at the corners of her eyes. “I can’t. It hurts too much. And I was dumb and I thought maybe he still had feelings for me and I let my guard down and then…” The tears began to slowly trail down her face as she squeezed them shut and shook her head, trying to snap herself out of it. 

“Then what, Jess? What happened?” Winston asked her softly.

Jess looked up at Winston and let out a huge sigh and cocked her head at him. “And then Reagan called and they made reservations for dinner and...and that’s when I left. I felt so humiliated, Winston. Not only am I not over my ex-boyfriend, but I was stupid enough to think that maybe he might have feelings for me again, too. I just...I can’t do this anymore, Winston! I can’t live across the hall from the man I’m in love with and watch him date and bring home new women! I...I can’t be here anymore, not until I’m over him again, and I don’t…”

Jess’s words soon slurred as her tears came faster, and soon she was almost unintelligible. Winston’s heart broke for his friend; he knew Jess had suffered when Nick was dating Reagan but he hadn’t realized just how much she was hurting especially in light of the revelation that she was still very much in love with him.

He got up and moved next to Jess and sat down beside her, and immediately her head fell to his shoulder and she sobbed through the tears long buried in her heart. Winston just sat there with an arm around her, lightly rubbing her back and letting her cry it out. As she started to quiet down and he felt Jess relaxed against him, he tilted back to look at her face.

“Hey Jess, everything’s gonna be ok. Are you sure that Nick was talking to Reagan and maybe just misheard a different name? I mean, the boy is dumb but I don’t think he would be  _ that _ dumb.”

“Nooo,” she sniffled wretchedly. “I was standing right outside his door, he very clearly said ‘Reagan’. He’s probably regretting breaking up his perfect relationship with his perfect girlfriend…”

“Stop it,” Winston barked out harsher than he meant to. “Jess, stop it. Nick and Reagan were never going to last. He’s grown and he wants  _ more _ now, and Reagan was never going to give him that. Please don’t make any rash decisions; what if I put my police skills to good use and see if I can figure out who he was really talking to?”

Jess sat up straight and was silent, thinking on what Winston just said. Before she had a chance to say anything Winston piped up, “The next time Nick’s drunk I’m sure I can get it out of him, and he’ll never even remember any of it in the morning. But in the meantime, go easy on Nick. The boy crazy-cares about you and I know he’d never do anything purposely to hurt you.”

Jess opened her mouth to retort but Winston gently shut her down. “Please, Jess. Get a good night’s sleep tonight and let ole Winnie the Bish work his magic, ok?”

She favored him with a smile and replied, “Ok, Winston. Thank you for...you know, everything.”

“You’re my girl,” Winston said fondly as he reached over to hug Jess. “I’ve always got your back, ok? Go to bed early and get some sleep and it’ll all seem better in the morning. But now, it’s time for me to be off to Aly’s and if I’m late she’s not gonna let me choose the music in the car!”

Jess laughed, heart feeling lighter for at least a moment, and waved him away. “You better go, Winston. Aly is scary when she’s mad.”

Leaving Jess on the couch, Winston got up and sprinted to his bedroom to change before heading off to see Aly. Before he forgot he quickly whipped his phone out of his pocket and sent a quick text to Schmidt and Cece, curious to see what their reaction might be to Jess’s claim that Nick was talking to Reagan.

_ Jess told me she heard Nick talking to Reagan. Is that girl for real? The boy is dumb but not dumb enough to do something like THAT -- Bish _

Winston was surprised to hear his phone ping back so quickly with a reply.

_ So we never told you but Jess came over and hid here the night it allegedly happened and she said as much to us, too. I’m not sure what to think. Schmidt’s heading over to the bar later to get Nick drunk and see if he can get Nick to talk -- Cece xx _

_ I’m on it, you fools. ALL DAY, SON! - S. _

......

Nick had already been at the bar for almost three and a half hours and he had made a whopping total of...six dollars in tips. He wasn’t surprised as he came into work already in a foul mood and the distraction he hoped bartending would give him never materialized. Rather than being frustrated, Nick was now flat out angry at his friends for blatantly lying to him. He knew something was wrong with Jess, and he knew that  _ Cece _ knew and was therefore angry at Schmidt as well for not telling him. 

He was glad it was a short shift tonight; if he wasn’t going to walk out of the bar with any decent tips he would rather be miserable and grouchy at home than being miserable and grouchy at work -- not that it stopped him before. Nick took a quick glance around the room and was relieved to see that the majority of customers had left and only a few straggler ‘regulars’ were still occupying seats nursing their drinks.

Nick turned back to the glasses he was drying and putting away when he heard the unmistakable creak of the door opening alerting him to a new customer. He cursed under his breath, clearly done dealing with people-ing for the rest of the night, and turned around to see who it was. Nick was taken aback, but not in a bad way, when he saw Schmidt enter and make his way over to the bar where he was standing.

“Hey man, what are you doing here so late? You’ve always complained about your beauty sleep.” Nick snorted as he saw Schmidt’s face as he sat down on a bar stool. When Schmidt just glared at Nick and didn’t say anything, Nick frowned and turtlefaced. “What’s up with you tonight Schmidt?”

Schmidt grunted and gave Nick a withering stare. “I’m here because of you, Nicholas. There will be  _ no _ peace to be had at Jaipur Aviv until this mishegoss is sorted out! So pour yourself a drink because neither of us are leaving this fakakta place until this is sorted out!”


	20. Connect the Dots pt. 2

Nick groaned and hung his head, in no mood to deal with Schmidt’s theatrics tonight. Taking Schmidt’s words at face value, he promptly pulled up a shot glass from under the bar and poured himself a healthy shot of whiskey, downing it quickly and wincing as he felt it burn down his throat. 

_ You treat an outside wound with rubbing alcohol and an inside wound with drinking alcohol. _

“What in the world are you talking about Schmidt?” Nick asked grumpily.

“Pour yourself a drink, Nicholas, and come sit down. We have some business that needs to be taken care of and a loft dynamic that needs to be repaired.” Schmidt intoned. Nick wondered if Schmidt was already drunk.

Sighing and realizing he wasn’t going to be able to escape Schmidt when he was in a foul mood like this, Nick pulled a fresh glass up to the bar and poured himself a beer. His throat still felt warm from the whiskey that burned down his throat moments ago, and if Schmidt was about to start one of his diatribes Nick decided he’d rather not be sober for it.

Taking a healthy drink from his glass and leaning his elbows on the bar, Nick looked at Schmidt seriously and replied, “I still don’t know what you’re talking about, Schmidt.”

Schmidt cocked his head at Nick dramatically and rolled his eyes. “Seriously Nick? Do you honestly think the rest of us don’t know what is going on right now?”

Nick’s frustration started to grow. “Well if you know what’s going on then please tell me, because I know you guys have been hiding something from me for weeks now!”

Nick picked up his glass and downed the rest of his beer in one go, pleased that he could already start to feel the warm buzz of the alcohol in his head. “I’m serious!” Nick said forcefully. “Will  _ someone _ please let me know what is going on?!”

Schmidt’s demeanor softened as he realized that Nick truly had no idea what was going on. He didn’t think that Nick would ever stoop to being  _ that _ dumb, but clearly he was quite mistaken. No longer having the patience for tactful questions, Schmidt asked bluntly, “What did you do to Jess, Nick?”

“I DIDN’T DO ANYTHING!” Nick yelled at Schmidt, now getting worked up himself. He turned around with his empty beer glass and refilled it and immediately downed half of it. “I swear I didn’t do anything!”

“Give me a break, Nick. You did  _ something _ and now she is avoiding the loft again.” Schmidt said dismissively.

“What do you mean, avoiding the loft  _ again _ ?”

Schmidt rolled his eyes so high that Nick thought they would get stuck that way. “Are you brain dead Nicholas? Why do you think she avoided the loft in the first place?”

If Schmidt wasn’t so mad at Nick he would have laughed when he saw the poor look on Nick’s face. Nick looked like he was trying  _ so hard _ to figure it out, but Schmidt still couldn’t figure out how Nick didn’t see the clear and obvious answer.

“How would I know Schmidt?” Nick asked, turtleface in its full glory. “By the time I came back from New Orleans it seemed like she was already avoiding us, so if anyone did anything it had to have been one of you since I had been gone for the past two months!”

Schmidt smacked his hand against his forehead and shook his head, not understanding how he had just spoon fed the answer to Nick and the dense man still didn’t get it. “Pour me a drink, Nicholas. I simply don’t understand you sometimes.”

Nick took the opportunity to finish the rest of his beer before pouring a drink for Schmidt and refilling his own glass again, desperate to keep his buzz going the more Schmidt spurted off nonsense. Pushing Schmidt’s drink across the bar to him while he raised his own glass in the other and downed the entire glass of beer in one go this time around.

“Have you tried  _ talking _ to her Nicholas?” Schmidt asked snarkily.

“Of course I’ve tried talking to her, you dumbass! But there’s only so much I can do when she avoids the loft and doesn’t pick up my damn phone calls.” Nick replied moodily. The sting of Jess’s unwillingness to open up to him sharpened, and this time Nick picked up his used shot glass and poured himself another shot to try and dull the pain.

“Let me ask you this.” Schmidt said diplomatically. “If you had to take a guess, why do you think Jess avoided you when you came home this summer?”

“I don’t know Schmidt! That’s what I’ve been trying to figure out!” Nick slurred, hands waving around like he was a drunk Italian. “Things were fine when I left for New Orleans and then when I came back it was like a whole different Jess!”

Schmidt thumped his forehead onto the bar, and for a second Nick didn’t know if he had passed out or not until he raised his head again and gave Nick a withering stare. “Don’t you think you might have known had you bothered to make ANY effort to talk to her this summer?”

Nick felt momentarily dizzy and put his hands out to stabilize himself. “Whaddya mean  _ make an effort _ , Jess is my best friend man!”

Schmidt picked up his own drink and took a hefty swallow and slammed it down on the bar. “Exactly Nick, Jess is your  _ best friend _ . Did you talk to her at  _ all _ while you were in New Orleans with Reagan? Or were you too enthralled with Reagan to even give Jess a second thought this summer?”

Nick opened his mouth to reply, but didn’t know what to say and instead let his jaw hang ajar. He knew it was harder to think because -- let’s face it, he was drunk -- but Nick realized that Schmidt was right: he had left for New Orleans without giving a second thought to Jess. Of course there were a few texts at the beginning, her wishing him a good flight and him letting her know when they had arrived there safely, but the more Nick thought about it he finally realized that he indeed hadn’t talked to Jess the entire time he was gone.

The first few days had been a whirlwind and Nick had been caught up in being in a new city with his beautiful girlfriend who, let’s face it, Nick never understood how she had ever been into him in the first place. Jess had always been so good at texting to the point of driving the others crazy over her need to constantly talk to and check in on them, and he supposed that he naively assumed that Jess would carry the mantle of responsibility when it came to staying in touch.

Clearly, he was very, very wrong.

Schmidt hadn’t stopped watching Nick’s face, and he was able to pick out the  _ moment _ he knew Nick finally understood. Sighing, he asked, “Why didn’t you talk to her, Nick?”

“I…” Nick stuttered. “I...Jess  _ told _ me to go to New Orleans with Reagan! She can’t be mad at me for me going! She told me to go!”

Schmidt groaned, clearly underestimating Nick’s ability to be reasonable and even remotely intelligent. “Are you sure she actually told you to  _ go _ , Nick? She did flat out say, ‘Nick, I think you should go to New Orleans with Reagan?’ ”

“She...she said it with words!” Nick slurred, having poured himself another drink to dull the edge of the new pain he was feeling as he realized he had abandoned Jess, the one person in the world who meant more to him than his own damn mother.

Finally having had enough, Schmidt blurted out, “And why, Nicholas, why in the world are you talking to Reagan again? Have you forgotten that YOU broke up with HER?”

Although Nick was comfortably drunk by now, he still had his wits about him enough to react to Schmidt’s outburst. “What are you talking about Schmidt? I haven’t talked to Reagan in months.”

“Are you sure Nick?” Schmidt asked condescendingly. “Because that’s the whole reason we’re in this mess right now.”

“YES I’M SURE, Schmidt. Jesus, why are you so concerned about Reagan all of a sudden? Does Cece need to be concerned?” Nick shot back angrily.

Schmidt sighed and looked Nick square in the face. “I’m serious Nick. So you did  _ not _ have dinner with Reagan recently?”

“Damn it Schmidt, I said no, stop asking me.” Nick stood up straighter, feeling a little more sober. “Is that the reason you came here tonight? Who in the world put that notion in your head?”

Schmidt hesitated a second, wondering if he should come straight out and tell Nick about what Jess had told them but realized that Cece would likely crazy murder him in his sleep. “I dunno.” he said evasively. “I thought I heard you on the phone making dinner plans with Reagan.”

Nick glared at Schmidt, not comprehending how utterly ridiculous he could be sometimes. Nick pulled his phone from his pocket and slid it across the bar to Schmidt. “I don’t even have her number in my phone anymore, go ahead and look you psycho. Now will you please stop badgering me?”

Realizing the late hour, Nick picked up a towel and started cleaning the bar. Schmidt cautiously picked up Nick’s phone and clicked it open, scrolling to Nick’s phone contacts and messages and seeing that Nick indeed was not lying to him -- there was no trace of Reagan anywhere on his phone. And since Nick had freely given his phone to Schmidt, Schmidt took it to mean that Nick didn’t care if he went through his phone and he took the opportunity to dig through the other parts of his phone.

The first thing he noticed, and it was a detail that was hard to miss, is that Nick had absolutely no pictures of Reagan on his phone. Either they had never taken any in the first place, or Nick had deleted them all shortly after their breakup. His curiosity getting the better of him, Schmidt continued to scroll through some of Nick’s pictures and realized that he still had an awful lot of pictures of Jess on his phone. There were pictures from holidays, or fun outings, and outtakes of Jess where Nick clearly caught her off guard but managed to catch her smile so perfectly.

Schmidt turned Nick’s phone off and placed it back on the bar, watching Nick a few feet away from him. He knew that Nick had taken the breakup particularly hard, and had first thought it was odd that he remained so close to Jess post-split, but for some reason Schmidt had never really put the pieces together and realized that Nick might still have feelings for Jess.

_ But then why did he pursue Reagan? _

Schmidt grabbed his own phone and opened up the previous text thread with Winston and Cece.

_ Got Nick drunk, he vehemently denies talking to Reagan. Even gave me his phone to look through - no sign of Reagan anywhere, not even pictures. But a SURPRISINGLY large amount of pictures of JESS on his phone -Schmidt _

_ I flat out asked him if he had dinner with Reagan and he said no. I don’t think Jess is lying, but I feel like we’re missing something -Schmidt _

_ Are you sure you got him drunk enough? -Winnie the Bish _

_ NICK STILL HAS PICS OF JESS ON HIS PHONE?? -C _

_ Why won’t these two idiots just talk to each other? -Schmidt _


	21. The Plot

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaack

Schmidt had long been gone by the time the last customer had finally left. Nick locked the door and made his way back to the bar and threw himself onto a bar stool, elbows on the bar and his head in his hands. As desperately as Nick wanted another drink he was already starting to feel the effects of his hour long binge with Schmidt and didn’t want to contribute to his impending hangover any more than he already had.

His phone buzzed in his pocket and Nick quietly cursed under his breath as he was frankly in no mood to deal with anyone or anything right now. He ignored it and let it ring until it went to voicemail, sighing and retreating back into his thoughts. A minute later his phone started to ring again and Nick grunted, completely not understanding a) who would actually want to talk to him, and b) who would be calling him at such an ungodly hour. 

When the phone stopped ringing, again, Nick slowly got up from the barstool and made his way to the other side of the bar and started shutting down for the night. As a general rule Nick was usually pretty tired at the end of his late night bar shifts, but tonight he felt a different sort of exhaustion that he had never felt before. He felt... _ soul _ tired.

Just as he was finishing up and making his way to the door to lock up for the night, Nick’s phone began to ring again. As he pulled his keys out of the lock and dropped them in his pocket, Nick angrily grabbed for phone and was determined to tell off whatever maniac was risking their life by calling him like that. As he flipped the phone over in his hand and he saw Schmidt’s name flash across the screen, despite wanting to crash the phone into the bricks on the street Nick raised his phone to his ear and roared, “DAMN IT, SCHMIDT! WHY CAN’T YOU LEAVE THINGS ALONE!”

“NICK! Shut up and listen to me.  _ Jess is in the hospital _ .”

Nick’s jaw dropped and he froze, momentarily not able to process what he just heard. Deathly silent, Nick threatened, “I swear to god, Schmidt. If this is some sort of a joke I will never speak to you again.”

Nick heard Schmidt huff in frustration as he normally did when he thought Nick was being purposely obtuse. “Nicholas, I’m dead serious.” Schmidt said harshly. “I would  _ never _ make a joke about this. Cece and Jess were over at Sadie’s tonight and Jess started complaining about pain in her side and feeling sick. Cece said Jess had been complaining about not feeling well for a few days and she called about ten minutes ago to say that she was taking Jess to the hospital.”

Nick felt like his heart went into overdrive as a huge spike of adrenaline coursed through his body. “Did she say what hospital she was taking her to?”

“I forgot the name of it, but it’s the one over by the pizza place we went to last month.”

“I’m on my way.” Nick said briskly as he ended the call and shoved his phone back into his pocket. He immediately started jogging down the street to his car, and he already had the car in ‘drive’ before he had even closed the door. Nick sped towards the hospital as if his life depended on it.

……

Nick was pretty sure that he parked in a tow zone, but he figured it would be cheaper to buy a new car than pay to get his current car out of the pound. Either way, it was currently the last thing on his mind as he barely comprehended his surroundings because his thoughts were solely on Jess. While the car ride had been less than ten minutes, each minute felt like an hour and Nick’s impending sense of doom grew by the minute.

It thankfully wasn’t a big hospital, and Nick was able to see the clearly marked Emergency Room entrance easily in the moonlight as he jogged through the parking lot and towards Jess. As soon as Nick stepped over the threshold he stopped and hunched over, hands on his knees, trying to catch his breath as he took in his surroundings and tried to get a handle on his next move.

After taking a few deep breaths and finally standing up, Nick’s eyes swept the room as he looked for a desk or a nurse or  _ anyone _ that might be able to help him. Still continuing to gaze around, Nick’s head swung around when he heard someone call out, “Nick! Over here!”

Following the sound of the voice, Nick finally spotted Schmidt sitting in a corner with Cece. As he walked over to them he noticed the stricken look on Cece’s face and he immediately assumed the worst. “What’s going on? What’s happening? Is Jess ok? Did something happen?” Nick let loose in quick succession.

Cece put her head in her hands and balanced her elbows on her knees. When she didn’t say anything, Nick’s eyes widened frantically as he quickly looked over to Schmidt and wordlessly begged him for an answer. He had never seen Schmidt’s face so stoic before, and if Nick was honest with himself it scared the shit out of him.

“A nurse was here about ten minutes ago to give us an update. Jess is still in surgery. It was worse than they expected when they finally got in there and it seems her appendix burst and they were also dealing with some unexpected bleeding.”

Nick’s vision fogged as he stared blankly ahead of him and felt his heart give a giant heave in his chest. He was desperate, in an almost primal way, not to have his last interaction with Jess be that disastrous night when he thought his friendship with her had been repaired only to have her run away from him, again.

Out of the corner of his eye Nick noticed Cece abruptly stand up and put a hand on Schmidt’s shoulder. “The nurse.” she said quickly.

All three stood up and focused on the nurse walking towards them with a doctor in tow not far behind her. Nick hadn’t been here when the nurse came out to talk to them the first time, and he desperately searched both the nurse’s and doctor’s faces trying to get a sense if they were bearers of good news or bad news.

“Hi, I’m Dr. Robertson.” the doctor said as she held out her hand to shake the three of theirs. “Jess is out of surgery now; we were able to stop the bleeding but some of her other organs have been affected by her burst appendix. She’s stable, but it will probably be a while before she wakes up from the anesthesia. You’re welcome to come back and visit her now, and the nurse can show you to her room.”

All three let out the breaths they had been holding while waiting to find out how Jess was doing. The nurse, sensing their relief, gently said, “Come with me.” The nurse led them down a series of hallways until they reached room 319. Standing aside and gesturing to them, she gave them a pitying look and said, “Your friend is in here. Spend as much time as you’d like.”

Cece pushed in first and let out a sob as she saw Jess lying in the hospital bed. Nick’s feet froze to the ground as he became physically unable to walk into the hospital room and see Jess,  _ his Jess _ , lying unconscious in a hospital bed. Schmidt moved around Nick to comfort Cece, and paused a moment to put a hand on Nick’s shoulder that conveyed more than what Schmidt knew how to say.

Nick shoved his hands in his pockets and paced in a small circle. Three steps this way, three steps that way. He knew he had to go in there, but in some way thought that if he didn’t go in there and see Jess then none of this was real. His thoughts were interrupted when Schmidt and Cece walked out, Schmidt’s arm around her trying to comfort her as best he could. “Are you going to go in?” he asked Nick quietly.

Nick ran a hand over his face and into his hair.  _ Of course I’m going to go in there _ . He gave a short jerk of his chin and took a deep breath, and Schmidt replied. “I’m going to take Cece down to the cafeteria to get her some coffee. We’ll let you have some time with Jess.”

Schmidt and Cece stepped away from the doorway and down the hall, disappearing around the corner as they made their way towards the cafeteria. Holding his breath, Nick started to take small, quiet steps in. Pausing by the curtain dividing the room, he took another deep breath before stepping past and into full view of Jess’s hospital bed.

......

Cece and Winston sat quietly on the couch, craning their necks, as they watched Jess try to awkwardly untangle herself from Nick in the hallway, a heaping mound of laundry in her basket obstructing her view and causing her to bump into him.

“Watch where you’re going, you ninny.” Nick said, hands deep in his pockets, not knowing what else to say.

“Oh, sorry Nick.” Jess said quietly, not making eye contact as she tried to move away from him. She stumbled as her foot landed on one of Ferguson’s toys and her body swayed and threatened to fall over. 

Cece’s hand shot out and grabbed Winston as they both held their breaths as they watched Nick throw his hands out in an attempt to catch Jess before she fell over.

“You’ve gotta be careful, Jess, you just got out of the hospital.” Nick said hoarsely, reaching his hand out towards where he knew her stitches were but catching himself before he made contact with her. “Let me help you carry that.”

Jess’s eyes found a spot on the ceiling and refused to budge, swallowing hard and clearly trying to get a hold of herself with Nick standing so close to her. 

“Thanks Nick, but I’m ok.” she said quietly as she tried to maneuver around him and away from being so close to him. She slipped into her bedroom and quietly closed the door behind her.

Cece had spent a lot of time at the loft in the days after Jess got home from the hospital, keeping her company and helping her with little tasks she knew Jess couldn’t manage with the pain. Secretly, though, Cece was afraid to let Jess out of her sight for fear that something would happen and she wouldn’t be around to help her.

Cece and Winston stayed absolutely silent as they watched Nick stand there for a moment, looking at Jess’s closed bedroom door, before turning around and marching into his bedroom and closing his door unceremoniously behind him. While Jess’s stay at the hospital had considerably diffused some of the tension between her and Nick, there was still a significant unspoken divide between them. 

“We have GOT to do something about those two.” Cece said as she relaxed and sat back into the couch. “This is even driving  me crazy now, those two are ridiculous.”

“I know,” Winston replied as he kept his eyes on Nick’s bedroom door. “They are two dang blasted adults and we shouldn’t have to fix it for them.”

Cece chuckled as she remembered a conversation with Schmidt the previous night. “Schmidt suggested we do an intervention, but I told him that was a little extreme.”

“Is it, though?” Winston asked, finally turning to look at Cece. “We clearly tried letting these two work this out on their own and that’s gotten us absolutely nowhere.”

Cece furrowed her brow as she thought about it. “But how would we even go about it? We can barely manage to get those two in the loft at the same time, much less in the same room.”

A sly grin started to cover Winston’s face. “Not if we trick ‘em into it.”

“Are you thinking what I’m thinking?”

“Yep, I think it’s time for a classic Cece and Winston mess-around.”

......

“Well, what are we waiting for? Grab your keys and let’s get out of here!”

Schmidt had enthusiastically jumped at the idea as soon as Winston and Cece told them their plan, and he currently could not understand why Cece and Winston weren’t jumping off the couch and following him out to the car. 

“Babe.” Cece cajoled. “We haven’t even figured out the details yet. How are we going to manage getting them in the same place at the same time?”

“Treachery, my dear Cecelia, treachery.” Schmidt intoned. “The time has come for this nonsense to end, and those two idiots - nay, morons - need to tell each other what the other clearly already knows but is too afraid to ask.”

Winston nodded. “As much as y’all know I love pranks, Jess  did just come home from the hospital and we probably shouldn’t do anything too crazy like drop them off in the middle of the woods or anything.” 

“Winston has a point.” Cece replied, earning a sharp glance from Schmidt. “We need to get them somewhere where they’ll be stuck together for a while, kind of like an escape room or getting locked in somewhere together.”

Schmidt and Winston each shot a very concerned look at her, afraid to find out what exactly she had in mind.

Cece smiled. “Remember that night when you guys played True American?”


End file.
